


Trésor

by Multiple_Universes



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, M/M, Mystery, New Planets, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-07-17 22:10:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16104830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multiple_Universes/pseuds/Multiple_Universes
Summary: “Many myths exist about the Dead World. Many theories. A popular one dates back to the first team on Trésor and draws its roots from old Earth mythology.” A laugh. “They say that one day the Dead World will wake up and swallow Trésor up like a little pill.”He's stuck on a dead and desolate world with no memory as to who he is and his time is running out. What was he doing on a dead rock before he blanked out? What is the strange world looming in the sky above? And does its mystery have something to do with the death of everything on Trésor?It was a prosperous planet once. The richest in the seven systems…





	1. A Rock Floating Through Space

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my fic for the Live and Love Bang! It's also the reason why updates to Twenty Years with You have been so slow lately.
> 
> I've wanted to write a science fiction AU for a long time so I'm really happy to finally get this chance to do it!
> 
> A big thank you to the people on the LLYB discord server who helped me keep working on this fic (imaginary_dragonling, GeekMom13, SqueezeBabe, sprosslee, NikkoAki as well as Ladyofthefl0wers)!! If it hadn't been for your support, I don't know if I would've finished this fic!

A deep blackness punctuated by little pinpricks of light and nothing else…

It was cold, _so_ cold…

The blackness spread out in all directions as if about to swallow up everything…

Falling, falling...

He sat up sharply. Where was he? What happened?

His mind was a complete blank. Blank like… Like the white ground that went on forever on both sides of him. It was such a pure white, as if the ground was glowing.

The landscape wasn’t exactly monotonous: here and there a hill rose out of the ground and craters dotted the surface. There was no regularity to the pattern and it wasn’t the kind of landscape to delight the eye.

Despite the blankness in his mind, he felt instinctively that he’d never seen this place before, wherever it was. It felt foreign.

_So I don’t know where I am… But what about what I was doing and how I got here?_

And there was a big gaping hole where the explanation of _who_ he was should’ve been.

He had no idea who he was! No memory of his name, or what he did, or anything, really.

 _Don’t panic,_ he told himself. _Whatever happens I can’t panic._

He tried to think logically. What _could_ he remember?

Nothing.

No, that wasn’t strictly true: he could remember about concussions and wondered if he’d had one.

He rose slowly to his feet and didn’t fall over. That was a good sign.

_I’m in a place I don’t recognize with no memory of who I am, or how I got here. Great!_

He made a few careful steps and rose a little off the ground.

 _Not normal-Earth gravity,_ he thought. _Wait! What does that mean? What is normal-Earth gravity and what is Earth?_

If only he could remember something. Anything.

He stared down at himself. His arms and legs were covered in a strange material. He was in some kind of suit. He raised his hands to his face and they hit something before they could touch his head. There was… a _helmet_ on his head. He felt around with his fingers and hit a button.

“Current atmospheric conditions,” a voice chimed in loudly, making him wince, “oxygen levels: low, nitrogen levels: low, radiation levels: high, but within suit tolerance parameters. Water-energy recycling system online. Diagnostic check: ok. Air quantity enough for 69 543 breaths.”

He thought about this. He timed his breathing and did some quick calculations to get that he had enough air for… roughly three days. Great.

He had three days to figure out who and where he was and to get out of here. He needed to find a place where he could survive, even if that meant that he had to get off the planet to do it.

But how would he do that? He stared up at the sky again.

He had an image of the universe then: this big entity full of planets, stars, comets, black holes, but also huge empty space. So much empty space that you had to get through to get where you were going. Really cold and really deadly and really, really boring.

 

_“The universe. We often take it all for granted. When you or I hop into our ‘craft to go visit our auntie on gamma-delta-9, or take a group trip around Rouge, we rarely think about all that vast emptiness we cross and how deadly it is.”_

 

The memory just came with words. He couldn’t remember what half the words meant or the voice (or identity) of the person who’d said them.

What was he supposed to do now?

He looked around, but nothing in the landscape promised any help. Maybe there was someone else out here with him. He couldn’t have just appeared here. He was sure of that. And a suit meant that he’d come prepared.

Maybe he had a mission here. But what could it be on such a boring planet?

Boring? Why assume it was boring? Low-gravity, the thinnest of atmospheres, a crater-covered ground _–_ it was just a big rock floating through space and nothing else. It wasn’t even a planet, but more of a planetoid.

So what exactly was he supposed to do? Stand here and wait to be rescued? Hope that someone picked this boring rock to drop by for a visit? Even without any memory of who he was, he was sure that he wasn’t the type to wait around until someone came and saved him.

But what _could_ he do with nothing but a suit? He looked around and then studied the suit covering his arms and legs closely. He definitely had no equipment, no little ‘craft, no inbuilt thrusters, in short _–_ no way to get off the planetoid.

He went on studying his suit, searching it for a way to send a signal. Still nothing.

He was stuck on a rock floating through deadly emptiness who knew how far from the nearest inhabited world, or passing spacecraft with no way of signalling anyone and only enough air for three days at best. Right.

He felt oddly calm about his situation, as if his mind refused to believe he would just die here. For some reason, he couldn’t shake the feeling that it would all work out somehow.

 _Well,_ he thought darkly, _if this really is it, then maybe I can at least try to remember who I am before my three days are up._

But while he was trying to do that, he decided, it wouldn’t hurt to do a little exploring, just in case there was an outpost on this planet.

He picked a random direction and set off, using the low gravity to help save his energy: he made little hops as he went.

Time ticked away, but the landscape didn’t change. It was still white and uninteresting. He tried to remember something as he went. Those words about space: where had he heard them? Where was alpha-beta-34? What was Rouge?

But the words just kept replaying themselves in his head over and over again, as if determined to drive him insane.

_If I don’t die out here, will I get out with my sanity intact?_

For some reason he couldn’t help imagining what an outside observer would see: an empty white landscape and a single, small figure making its way along to who knew what.

It wasn’t a happy image and he returned to his memories, trying to think of more than just those words.

He could remember more about space now and not just planetoids that were really boring, but also that somewhere out there were _planets_ , planets full of people, whole civilizations that came and went.

 

_...spacecraft full of rows of seats packed with sleeping passengers off on a journey from one planet to the next…_

 

Where were they going? Why didn’t they stay where they were?

 

_…a tall building with something important inside… It meant something… A lot of people went there…_

 

He stopped and blinked. He’d been so absorbed in digging through his memories that he’d missed when the landscape had changed.

It was completely different now: here and there big stone posts stuck out of the ground, like a garden of ugly statues that no one wanted.

_Ha! Maybe this planetoid is the place where people leave their junk!_

It was a silly thought, but at least it cheered him up a little.

His mind quickly supplied him with a rational explanation _–_ craters that took big chunks out of the ground, leaving smaller chunks behind.

Bang! Krrrrch!

Something fell, making him jump, and echoes followed the loud sudden noise.

What was that? This was a dead world, right? What could be -

Boom!

He stood very still, feeling his heart beat fast in his chest.

The echoes died out and still he couldn’t budge from the spot.

It was stupid. He wasn’t supposed to stand there like a frightened animal. He had to…

... _run_.

He bolted onwards, not thinking about where he was going, desperate to be out in the boring landscape again where nothing would make strange noises.

“Aaah!” a voice howled.

He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end and sped up.

Breathing. He was breathing so fast. _So fast_. Wasting his precious air. Wasting it with every breath.

The suit would recycle some air, but for how long? How long?

Three days. He had three days.

Now he had even less.

Boom! Boom! Krrrch!

If he stayed and conserved his breath and whatever it was caught up with him, he’d die right here and right now. What good would three days’ worth of air do him then?

He ran on. He kept going. He had to.

Something was following him. He could hear its footsteps behind him.

He turned his head to look, missed the boulder in front of him and tumbled over it, flying onwards through the air.

It was a good thing there was barely any gravity here, or he could’ve hurt himself.

Low gravity. Low gravity and _very little_ air.

He stopped and turned.

There was nothing behind him, just an echo of his own footsteps, just the repeating sound of his own fall.

He kicked a little pebble and listened to the loud boom that followed. The sound bounced off the statues and repeated and the rarified atmosphere distorted it further.

He took a long breath and let it out slowly.

It was just his fear and imagination. There hadn’t been anything there, but him. It was just a waste of breath and nothing more.

He walked slower now, acting as if nothing had happened. No one had seen that and, if he kept quiet, no one need ever know.

_If he kept quiet._

If he died here, no one would ever know and, for all he knew, no one would ever care.

It was an odd thought that hadn’t occurred to him before: who _would_ care if something were to happen to him?

A warm, tender feeling spread through his chest at that question. _Someone_ cared, he was sure. Someone out there worried. Someone would defy everything just to save him.

But would they make it in time?

He didn’t dwell on that. He had to keep going. He had to keep fighting.

He was –

His name was on the tip of his tongue. It came with that warm feeling and the definite knowledge that, whoever that someone was that cared, they’d said his name many times and always with a lot of feeling.

What feeling?

And _who_ was it?

But all that could wait for the main question: _what was his name_?

He tried to think of names. There was… Bob, and Tom, and Al and Pierre, and Ivan, and Xynos and…

No, that was just stupid. He could stand there listing every possible name and never know the answer.

And then he remembered about the suit.

“Suit!” he called and hoped it was programmed with voice recognition and responses. “Identify me.” It was a dumb command, but maybe it would work.

“Identity of suit wearer…”

He held his breath. Here it came and it had been so easy: all he had to do was ask.

“…unknown. Suit wearer not recognized.”

“Brilliant,” he muttered. Not so easy, after all.

Maybe the suit was faulty. Maybe it needed database access to answer this question. Maybe – ah, who cared why it couldn’t identify him if it couldn’t identify him?

Back to square one then.

He walked on.

The landscape changed again, returning to its monotonous state from before. But this time there was a kind of hill up ahead.

He stopped, gave it a curious look and made for it a little faster. Slowly it took on a strange shape, a _very recognizable shape_.

It looked like a frozen wave that had reached its highest point, but would never crash down and join the waters below.

The wave was a fancy shape, but it was big enough to support houses, if someone came along with the mad idea of building houses on it.

Like the landscape below it, the wave was all white…

 

_...The Wave was covered in dozens of little houses, some of which were so close to the edge they looked ready to fall off, but he knew they were anchored in place to make sure that they wouldn’t move anywhere. Among these little houses was a tall tower. It was black and sleek and boasted a logo. Trésor University._

_Below the Wave were tall towers that went down forever, deep into the underground, but none of them were tall enough to ruin the silhouette of the Wave itself._

_Hundreds of little ‘craft in all kinds of shapes and styles swarmed the towers below like flies. But the Wave stood on its own._

_You had to get special permission to fly a ‘craft up to the Wave._

_And he had that permission…_

 

He stopped and stared with his eyes open wide.

The desolate landscape was still there. There were no houses, no towers and definitely no flying ‘craft. It was just him and a mountain of white stone.

It came to him all at once in that moment: this was Trésor!

_It was a prosperous world once. It was the most prosperous world in the seven systems…_


	2. The Most Prosperous World in the Seven Systems

_Trésor was nothing more than a moon, orbiting a dead world that refused to yield to all efforts at terraforming it._

_It had started out as a scientific outpost and became…_

_He stood in front of the Wave, his mouth open in awe._

_...the centre of scientific research._

_The best scientists trained here, on Trésor. The best inventions were dreamed up on Trésor. The brightest minds were all here on Trésor. Trésor University (or TU, as the students called it) had all the money, power, connections and even the best location a scientist could ask for._

_It circled the Dead World as if to remind scientists that not all problems were solved, not all questions answered, not all mysteries were explained._

_And he was on his way to his first year of class._

_He was bright – he had to be. He came with good connections – he had to have. And, then, of course, there was his family’s wealth. But, lastly, came the unexpected observation that his interviewer had made: he had good looks and this, too, was somehow important._

_Like all students at TU he arrived with big plans to make a name for himself. He would be the next scientist they heard about in the newsfeeds and learned about in class._

_He paused before boarding his ‘craft and stared up at the Dead Planet floating through the sky overhead. If he could find a way to bring life to that planet or even explain why it was so dead, he would become one of the greatest scientists of all time. Something to think about, definitely._

_He closed the door of the ‘craft behind him and took off, gradually building up speed._

_He flew over the towers of the Underwave and up to the Wave, sitting back in his chair and letting the computer do all the piloting. He’d mean to be calm throughout the trip, as if it was all nothing, but soon he was at the window, staring out in awe at the sight below._

_They weren’t just towers in the Underwave. They were all connected by a network of bridges and inside them – people were walking along, on their way from one place to another. Each tower was like a little city with its shops and food halls. The population of Trésor was growing fast, drawing people in from neighbouring worlds and some even from halfway across the galaxy. The Underwave wasn’t a corrupt underworld, like it would’ve been elsewhere. Here it was the source of all the essential services. Everything that TU needed in order to keep running smoothly came from the Underwave. It was also where many students went after graduating from TU. The competition to get there was as fierce as the competition to get into TU._

_He’d been on different planets, but few were like this one where functionality combined with considerations for a good appearance. Most places prioritized one over the other, but not Trésor._

_He watched a fly-bus make its way between the towers and thought of fish swimming among the corals._

_And then he was up at the Wave and all thoughts of the other parts of Trésor were gone._

_Little white houses with ceramic red roofs covered the Wave, fighting for space with each other and the trees of the TU park. But they all kept a respectful distance away from the black tower of the university itself._

_The computer flew him onwards to the house which would be his and which – oh horror of horrors! – he would have to_ share _._

_He’d never shared houses before. Forget houses, he’d never shared moons before. One of the moons orbiting his family’s planet had been all his to do with as he wished. Robots and computers had helped him design and build his personal house on the moon and he’d spent many hours there with no one but a dog for company. He’d converted a portion of it to a beach for when he felt like swimming. One part of it he’d made into a forest for walks with his dog. And he’d left a part of it covered in ice and skated there to take a break from studying. That was his favourite part and he spent more time there than at the beach or in the forest._

_But now there would be someone there with him, someone he would have to talk to and spend time with, when he was least ready for either._

_At least, he reflected, he still had his dog to help him through this._

_The puppy went on sleeping on his lap, unaware that his owner was worrying over every little detail of his new life._

_All the worry was starting to make him feel ill and he hadn’t even set eye on his new house yet. He swallowed, straightened up in his seat and tried to think about something more pleasant._

_“Commencing landing procedures,” the computer told him. “Please fasten your seat belt.”_

_He strapped himself in and braced himself for the landing. He watched a house,_ his _house, rise before him as the ‘craft descended and felt his mouth open. There it was!_

_As soon as the ‘craft touched the ground, he undid his belt, opened the door and ran out, ignoring the computer’s welcoming message._

_He took a moment to take the house in even though it looked just like every other house on the campus (there was a rule about that, of course). He noticed how immaculately white the walls were and how pleasant the ceramic tiles on the roof. The door was closed and the lights were off. Maybe his housemate was out, maybe he was sleeping, either way it didn’t matter._

_He let the door scan his eye and fingerprints and rushed in as soon as it swung open._

_He made it! He was a student at TU!_

_“Hmmm…”_

_The sound of footsteps made him turn and he watched a man come down the stairs._

_“Hello!” he called out, walking over to the man and holding out his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you!”_

_“Likewise,” his housemate said with a grin. “So you’re my new housemate. Any good at rowing?”_

_“Sorry?”_

_“Rowing.” He repeated and swung his arms to imitate the rowing of a boat._

_“No. Sorry. I do ice skate in my spare time, if that helps.”_

_“Hmmm.” His housemate frowned. “Not really a team sport unless you also play hockey…”_

_That suited him just fine. He wasn’t a fan of team sports, after all. He put on a smile, however, and tried his best to sound apologetic that he couldn’t row boats, or play hockey, and didn’t know any other team sport for that matter._

_The housemate waved his apology away. “Don’t worry about_ that _.” There was an odd expression on his face as he added, “You’ll learn soon enough.”_

_Five hours later he found himself in a boat in the middle of an artificial river, holding a paddle in both hands, drunk out of his mind and laughing hysterically as the night set in. Several hours after that he greeted his first dawn on Trésor lying on the roof of his new house without a clue as to how he got there._

_Later they showed him photos and told him stories of what he’d done. Later he found out that this had all been part of a typical initiation ritual at TU. But that morning he was terrified witless and shouting for someone to help him down. And, only after a big crowd gathered around the house, did he notice that he had no clothes on._

_That was his first day (and night, and morning) at TU._

_Two weeks later he told the story with a laugh to a cute classmate he was trying to impress._

_“Can you believe it? No clothes!”_

_The classmate laughed. “What? No way!”_

_“Yes way!” He leaned closer to his classmate._

_The classmate went on laughing. “As if I’ll believe that!”_

_He opened his mouth to say something witty and clever…_

 

A scream made his blood run cold. He nearly jumped out of his suit. What was that? This was a dead planet. There was no one alive on it except for him and even he…

The Wave still loomed ahead all white and bare, like a skeleton after someone had eaten all the flesh off the bones.

He shuddered and wished he hadn’t thought that.

Around him the craters gaped wide like empty eye sockets. There was nothing here. Nothing.

“Aaah!” a scream rang through the air again.

He spun around.

Something flew down and hit the surface of the planet, leaving another crater behind.

The next moment it was raining deadly rocks and he made a run for the Wave, hoping it would give him some sort of shelter.

His heart beat fast in his chest as he ran, as if it was trying to outrun him. A few rocks grazed him, but he made it to the safety of the Wave’s shadow without getting any injuries. The suit protected him well.

And then it really hit him: it was a dead planetoid with no atmosphere, but there had been an atmosphere dome around it once. He could remember studying it.

 

_“It’s amazing! There are so many fail-safes built into the atmosphere dome and the whole thing is entirely artificial!” he exclaimed._

_Someone nodded at him and made a non-committal noise in reply._

_“But don’t you see? If a space fleet were to attack tomorrow, if our star exploded, we would still be safe here!”_

_His companion scooped his poodle up from the floor. “Of course! It’s not exactly a brand new invention, you know. The idea dates back to Interplanetary War II.”_

_“Yes, yes, I know, but… You don’t get this on a small planetoid where the gravity is so low!”_

_“Not back then, but then again –_ _what sort of people would we be if we hadn’t improved a 2000 year old piece of technology? We might as well go back to cryogenic travel!”_

_They laughed at the idea._

 

 _Nothing could destroy the dome_ , he thought, feeling the terror steal into his heart. _Yet something did. What has more power than an attacking space fleet or an exploding star?_

What… He looked up at the sky, really _looked_ , turning on the vision-enhancing software in his helmet.

The Dead World was up above, as dead and as menacing as before and, as before, it emitted no signals whatsoever.

 

_Once a year they defied the Dead World and its name. Once a year they gathered on the rings around it and competed in different types of sports. Each college in TU had a team of athletes and, as he’d been surprised to learn, singles figure skating was one of the sports on the list. Of course so was speed skating, but that wasn’t as surprising._

_He went out on the ice surface in a suit and helmet with a pair of blades attached to his boots and drifted over the ring._

_The Dead World loomed in front of him. The vast blackness full of billions of stars was behind him. And thousands of cameras set up all around him were recording every minute._

_He jumped and spun around in the air. He was proud of his jumps –_ _he’d perfected them based on hologram projections that took him through each jump step by step._

 _Other contestants talked about how frightening it was to have nothingness around them. He was used to this –_ _this was his usual place._

 

He shivered. Was it possible that Trésor’s current state had something to do with the Dead World? Had it come alive and… but, no, that was just a fairytale told to frighten little children.

 

_“Many myths exist about the Dead World. Many theories. A popular one dates back to the first team on Trésor and draws its roots from old Earth mythology.” A laugh. “They say that one day the Dead World will wake up and swallow Trésor up like a little pill.”_

 

No, that was just ridiculous.

 

_“Ridiculous? Really? Don’t you have any imagination? Myths like this existed for millennia, for as long as humanity existed. Doesn’t that make you stop and think?”_

_“Think what?”_

_“That there’s some truth behind it all! That it’s not just a story!”_

_“You’re out of your mind!”_

 

He dropped down on the ground and just sat there, staring up at the Dead World as it floated through the black sky.

A part of him wanted to know what had happened. Like those scientists who’d built the first outpost in the middle of nowhere, who didn’t care how long they had to be stuck on a rock floating through space as long as they solved the mystery, he felt that same need to know.

 

_“Why is it dead? Why doesn’t any of our tech work on it? Why can’t we turn it into a proper planet, full of life? Those are the questions everyone always asks themselves when they get here. Over time we forget about it and it just becomes a thing in the background, like the ugly pictures on the walls in this room.”_

He sighed. The memories didn’t stop now, but they still didn’t help. He couldn’t remember who’d told him what. He couldn’t remember the name of his housemate, or the name of his dog. He couldn’t even remember his own name.

He folded his arms over his knees and lowered his head onto them.

Maybe what he needed was a good starting point for his memories. Coming here was one such memory, but maybe he needed to think of something more important than that.

He came here to study. Did he graduate? Did he go on to do something after graduation?

He tried to remember. He tried to imagine graduating from school, how it felt to be finished with everything, to be free at last.

 

_One minute there was a man in old-fashioned black robes before him, giving a long lecture on how proud he was of all the graduates, how they had a great and bright future ahead of them, and the next – he was at a party with loud music, where everyone around him was either drunk or getting there._

_Excited screams filled the room and the dancefloor was cleared for a pole. A handsome dark-haired man was spinning around it with a happy smile on his face._

_He felt his mouth drop open. He’d never seen anyone do anything like that before! And especially when very obviously drunk out of their mind!_

_“I think I’m in love,” he murmured and then put an arm around the person who happened to stand the closest to him and spoke as if confiding a great secret, “that man over there is going to be my boyfriend.” He mulled this over. “Or lab partner. I’m not really sure. Lab – love – life… ah!_ Life _partner!”_

It was a silly memory, but it made his heart beat faster and filled him with that feeling of fondness again. And then he had it: memories flooded his brain, as if a barrier that used to be there was now gone. They passed through his mind and he struggled to make sense of each one.

 

_“My name is Chris, by the way,” his housemate said. He grinned. “That was really impressive! I’ve never met anyone who could climb onto the roof as fast as you did. And without your clothes too!”_

_He sat alone outside his house on his moon and stared out at the stars. It was his last day home. Tomorrow he would leave for_ _Trésor. His puppy lay curled up on his lap, sleeping away as if nothing was wrong._

_“Tomorrow we’ll leave home and probably never come back, Makkachin,” he said softly._

_Makkachin raised his head and licked his hand…_

_The pole dancer stumbled drunkenly into his life and then stumbled back out again. He didn’t even leave his name behind._

_Partly into the night he’d plucked up the courage to ask the pole-dancer for a dance. It was the best dancing he’d ever been in They danced the night away together, but the pole dancer disappeared into the early dawn as if he’d never existed. And for many years he wondered if the pole dancer had come to him in a drunken dream and really hadn’t existed after all._

_So much time passed in the bitter cold…_

_He rose as he spun around on the spot, holding one arm gracefully over his head, until the music playing in his helmet came to an end and his routine was over._

_There weren’t many skaters competing against him. Figure skating wasn’t very popular. Most people preferred team sports that needed groups of three or four people at least. And what would his victory mean anyway? It would be nothing more than another three points for his college._

_He’d seen old recordings of times when a victory was a matter of honour, when skaters went out on the ice to represent their country and uphold its reputation as the best. He’d watched them cry tears of joy and sob in despair and defeat, and wondered what it was like…_

_His family arrived to congratulate him on his graduation ceremony. He smiled from ear to ear as around him everyone cheered and a local rain of confetti fell over the campus. It was a bright day without a single cloud in the artificial atmosphere…_

_It was cold and lonely in his flat. Makkachin slept at the foot of his bed, but the empty hole in his heart was still there._

_He wasn’t that old, but that night he couldn’t help feeling as if his life had somehow ended.  It had ended a long time ago without telling him and he just kept going for no reason whatsoever._

_He dropped his head in his hands and wept._

_In this small, empty flat in the middle of a tall tower of identical small, empty flats he knew what despair and defeat tasted like. He was getting nowhere. He was stuck in a dead end. And his loneliness was like a black hole that sucked everything in while still remaining unsatisfied._

_He raised his eyes and stared out the window at the stars._

_Always the stars…_

_And the Dead World drifted silently through the sky…_

His heart squeezed painfully in his chest at the last memory and he felt tears rise to his eyes. He stared up at the stars again.

One of them seemed to twinkle at him, as if giving him a wink.

 

_“Some dreams are too heavy to carry alone. Sometimes we need help and there’s nothing wrong with asking someone to lend a hand.”_

_He had to admit that there was some truth to that. After a month of putting it off and more doubts (was it right? Was it even worth the effort?), he finally made an official posting._

_“Research assistant required” was his little plea for help. It was followed by a long list of qualifications that even he had to admit were getting close to a tall order, but two weeks later it was answered._

He dropped onto his back and stared up at the stars. He whispered a word and closed his eyes. One word, no one _name_ , was enough to fill him with tenderness and to cure his loneliness.

Yuuri…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized too late that I completely missed making something for YOI's second anniversary, but in my defense my plan for October is so packed that I don't know if I want to drown everyone in notification emails (that will happen towards the end of October, so I apologize ahead of time). Er... we can count this fic as a way to celebrate, right?


	3. Yuuri Katsuki

_“You’re doing_ what _?” Chris asked in disbelief._

_They were at The Terrace – a restaurant at the foot of The Wave, at the very top of the tallest tower built there. Someone built a big observation deck on the top of the tower and covered the floor with tables and chairs. The railing around the deck was drowning in flowers that changed colour with the time of day._

_Trays with cups of tea, sandwiches, pastries and bowls of fruit drifted through the air, passing each table slowly just in case someone wanted anything._

_He turned away from another tray as it passed and repeated what he’d already said, “I’m getting an assistant. The research needs two people.”_

_“You?!_ You’re _asking for help?” Chris exclaimed._

_He let out a tired sigh. “Yes, I am,” he admitted. It was a waste of effort to argue, so he didn’t. It wasn’t exactly asking for help and it also was._

_So far he’d only had one response to his posting. It didn’t leave him with a lot of options, but he hoped like mad that the person would be suitable._

_“I’m seeing an applicant today,” he answered calmly and took a sip of his tea._

_He hadn’t intended to share this with anyone. His parents were in a different system, away on business as usual. The rest of his family was off world. That only left Chris, but he’d dodged every alumni reunion successfully so far and thought he would be safe._

_It had worked too, but only until that morning when Chris called and invited him out for a chance to catch up on old times._

_Chris had talked a bit about himself, but then jumped straight to questions about him._

_“I’ve always relied on myself, true,” he admitted, “but I thought that maybe it was time to change that.”_

_His friend didn’t argue. For a while, he just sat there and studied him as if he was a fascinating specimen. “What are you working on, anyway?” he finally asked._

_“You’ll only laugh,” he warned._

_“I promise I won’t,” Chris said in a serious voice and he almost believed him._

_He threw a look at his wrist where a little screen told him the current time and displayed a reminder about his interview. “I need to go. I barely have enough time to get there and then I have to prepare…” He rose to his feet and pushed a little button on the table that told the café that he was done and to deduct the appropriate credits from his account._

_Chris got up and put an arm around him. “Good luck,” he said. “I hope you find who you’re looking for.”_

_It was an odd way of phrasing it._

_Twenty minutes later he remembered Chris’ words as he watched the applicant enter the room. And then the penny really dropped as he realized where he’d seen the man before. It was the pole dancer from their graduation party._

_He waited for the man to blush and maybe apologize. He braced himself for an awkward conversation where he’d have to come up with a way to tell him that it was fine, really, that everything was ok. And then he’d have to explain to the man how he’d fallen in love that night._

_But the man remained calm and professional. He talked about his experience and his degree as if nothing had happened. There was a hint of nervousness in his behaviour, but that was only natural for a job applicant._

_What admirable self-control!_

_But how sad that he didn’t give himself away at all!_

_He listened to every word and smiled as the man finished talking. This was exactly the kind of candidate he was looking for!_

_“You’re hired. Sorry, what did you say your name was, again?”_

_The most beautiful smile in the world rewarded him for his good choice. “Yuuri Katsuki.”_

_He took Yuuri’s hand and shook it and then – oh the hell with it! – he asked, “Do you dance, Yuuri?”_

_“A bit.” Yuuri gave him a surprised look. “But not… not very well.” There was the blush at last._

Very well, if memory serves, _he thought. He gave Yuuri’s hand a squeeze. “What about hobbies? Do you have any?”_

_“I… uh… I figure skated for my college’s team for several years,” Yuuri offered._

_“That was you?” He thought back to his last few competitions, when it seemed as if it was only him and one other skater out on the ice. He’d never gotten a chance to see that skater without his helmet on. Until now._

_“Sorry, I…” Yuuri stammered out with his eyes lowered. “I didn’t recognize you at first.”_

_Ah. Now it all made sense. But a part of him panicked. Why didn’t Yuuri recognise him at first? Had he aged that much since then?_

_His new research assistant fidgeted. Minutes ticked away as they both wondered what to say next._

_“So…” Yuuri finally said. “What project are you working on?”_

_He smiled. “You’ll like this. Promise you’ll hear me out. Don’t get upset or thrown off by the end goal. I promise it will be worth it.”_

_Yuuri nodded._

_“I’m looking into a way to possibly,_ possibly _, figure out why the Dead World is so dead.” He held his breath and waited for Yuuri to laugh, or roll his eyes, or make a sarcastic comment._

_Yuuri did none of those and continued to listen patiently as he’d requested._

_“I think,” he began uncertainly, “I have an approach that no one’s tried before.”_

_Still Yuuri went on listening with a serious expression on his face._

_He licked his lips. “Well, you see, I was thinking…”_

His memory cut off there. For some reason he couldn’t recall what his new approach was, or even what Yuuri’s reaction to it was.

Wait! Wait!

He had other memories. Later memories. Ones with him and Yuuri working together in the lab. Late afternoons spent together in the search for a solution that would work.

 

_The soft daylight fell through the window and around Yuuri’s figure._

_He stared at his assistant with his mouth slightly open._

_The man turned and smiled. “What is it, Victor?”_

Victor! His name was Victor!

He remembered going over a hologram projection of his university application. It came with a big image of him from head to toe that rotated to show his back as well as his front.

He was tall, thin, but not lanky, and had short blond hair that was so light it was almost silver.

Yuuri’s image sprang up before his eyes then: nearly as tall as him with gentle brown eyes and short black hair. He was kind and attentive and so beautiful it almost hurt.

 

_It was late at night and they’d already spent 20 hours straight chasing an idea that Victor thought would work without even the smallest hint of progress. If anything, it felt as if they only moved backwards instead of forward._

_Yuuri dropped into a chair and pulled his hand through his hair in frustration._

_“Let’s take a break,” Victor suggested._

_Yuuri raised his eyes with a helpless look. “I nearly had it! I swear I nearly had it!”_

_“Come on, Yuuri. We need to rest,” he insisted._

_Yuuri rose to his feet. “I can’t sleep when I’m so close.”_

_He knew that feeling all too well. It brought a smile to his lips. “Forget sleep. I have a better idea.”_

_“What is it?”_

_Victor chuckled. “I’ll show you. Come with me.”_

_Yuuri followed him out, through the security gate and out of the building to where Victor kept his ‘craft stationed._

_Each time they entered or exited the building they had to go through an identity check. There was a list in the system of everyone who was allowed in – that’s the way it was with all of the research at TU. The university guarded its secrets as best as it could._

_Outside, behind the lab building was a small parking pad for ‘craft. It wasn’t empty, despite the time of the night. Victor threw a quick glance at the other ‘craft there. They weren’t the only ones who worked so late into the night._

_Victor opened the doors and motioned Yuuri to get in first. It wasn’t big, but there was enough room inside for them to sit comfortably._

_Victor entered his first destination into the navigation system and sat back in his seat._

_He had to stop at his apartment first and he left Yuuri to wait in the ‘craft while he grabbed a few things for their trip._

_Once he was ready, he set the path for an off-world flight, catching Yuuri by surprise._

_“Are you taking us to the Dead World?” Yuuri asked, his eyes widening._

_“Might be,” Victor said and grinned in a way that he suspected wasn’t mysterious at all._

_“You are!” Yuuri exclaimed after a short while. “But why?”_

_The safety warning came on, telling them both to don their suits. The warning was followed by the sound of two people trying to pull suits on over their clothes._

_Yuuri was done first and he waited patiently for Victor to finish before returning to his earlier question. “Why are we going to the Dead World?”_

_“You’ll see,” was Victor’s cryptic reply._

_The planet loomed ahead with its rings. It was surprising, the scientists loved to say, that a planet that size only had one moon. And, yet, this observation didn’t stop them from terraforming said moon, just like the Dead World’s mystery didn’t stop anyone from turning the rings into an ice track._

_Victor made for the closest part of the ring and watched Yuuri out of the corner of his eye._

_“It’s so empty…” Yuuri whispered as if seeing the planet for the first time. “Can you imagine living on this planet with no one else for company? How lonely it must be!” His hands rested on the glass as he stared out with a mixture of awe and pity on his face._

_Victor placed a hand over Yuuri’s. “Very lonely,” he whispered, remembering years spent with no one but Makkachin for company. He hadn’t felt very lonely at the time. Sometimes he’d just forget that other people existed, but other times he wished there was someone physically present for him to talk to. Messages and projections of people just weren’t the same thing._

_He imagined he could feel the warmth of Yuuri’s hand under his and promised himself to hold Yuuri’s hand when he didn’t have an insulating suit on. Yuuri turned his head and looked into Victor’s face._

_If only they hadn’t been wearing helmets…_

_It was more than just helmets: they had to go through all the safety checks after taking off and right before going into orbit around the Dead World. He forced himself to focus on them and not think about how close Yuuri was and how much he wanted to touch him._

_The checks and depressurization finally complete, Victor opened the door. He offered his hand to Yuuri and the two of them stepped out onto the ring together._

_Giving Yuuri a mischievous smile, Victor released him, activated the blades on his boots and headed out onto the ice. It wasn’t long before Yuuri followed after him. They went side by side, checking that the other person was there. At some point Yuuri reached out and caught Victor’s hand._

_It was reckless, Victor knew, to go out without any other protection but their suits. It was so easy to lose their balance, fly off the ring and go tumbling down onto the Dead World below._

_In the empty vastness of space was a big planet that was completely devoid of life and held a dark secret in its heart. On its rings two figures moved together, forgetting about the deadly planet and its moon, forgetting that each pinprick of light in the blackness around them represented a world full of life and feeling as if they were the only ones out there in the universe._

_And they fell deep, deeper than any chasm in the entire universe could offer. They fell so far that there was no way back out._

_It was just a shame that they had to return to the ‘craft and then fly back to Trésor before they could exchange their first proper kiss…_

He put a hand over his helmet, forgetting it was there and trying to touch his lips.

 

_Kisses… Warm, gentle kisses that seemed to last both forever and yet were very brief. Quick kisses snatched in secret…_

_Eyes full of emotion, more emotion than he’d ever thought possible…_

_And beautiful long fingers that slid over his skin to tangle themselves in the other person’s hair…_

_They opened up a new type of café on Trésor. Spherical capsules floated around the planet with a table inside each one. Lamps hung from the ceiling of the capsules and turned on automatically if it started to get dark. A bench went around the perimeter of the capsule, letting the visitors sit as close to each other as they liked. Some capsules had plants inside them._

_Victor sat next to Yuuri as they studied the menu. He’d read up on the café ahead of time to be ready to impress Yuuri._

_“How do we get our order?” Yuuri asked._

_“Transmat,” Victor answered. “You select what you want from the screen. They make it for you and then send it to the receiving pad right here.” He gestured towards it. “Best keep your hands away.” He grinned. “Ready to order?”_

_Yuuri eyed the menu doubtfully. “What are you getting?”_

_“Let’s get the Heart’s Desire to share,” Victor offered and then blushed at how the words had sounded. He turned away to hide his embarrassment._

_“Y-yes…”_

_He turned back in time to see Yuuri select the ice cream from the menu._

_It didn’t take long for their order to arrive and by the time it did Victor was ready. He took the cup with both hands, scooped up a spoonful and held it out to Yuuri with the words, “What’s your favourite flavour, Yuuri?”_

_Yuuri gave him and then the spoon a puzzled look as a blush appeared on his cheeks. “Caramel,” he admitted at last._

_Victor brought the spoon closer and Yuuri caught it with his mouth._

_“Just like this!” Yuuri exclaimed and gave Victor an excited look. “How did you know?”_

_“I didn’t,” Victor confessed. “This ice cream takes on any flavour you think about, but within the flavours that you already know,” he admitted. “It relies on your taste buds and your memory, so thinking about the flavour of stars, for example, will only give you what you think stars should taste like based on things you’ve already eaten.”_

_“That’s amazing!” Yuuri exclaimed. “Have you been here before?”_

_“No,” Victor admitted. “I read about the café after someone told me about it.” He hadn’t intended to admit this, knowing that it made everything he’d done look less impressive, but the truth slipped out as soon as Yuuri asked for it._

_Still Yuuri’s eyes shone in open admiration. He scooped up a spoonful and held it out for Victor to eat. “What is_ your _favourite flavour?”_

He sat on the barren landscape of the moon and thought about that ice cream. A black sky spread out over his head with the Dead World taking up most of it and blocking out the stars.

The feeling of loneliness hit him hard.

 

_Warm, tender afternoons when they left the lab to go for walks under the trees, taking their shoes and socks off to walk through the grass barefoot…_

He raised one of the rocks from the floor and stared at it.

 

_Yuuri tossed a pebble over the water’s surface and watched it skip several times before it finally fell into the river and sank to the bottom._

_He watched, as if mesmerised, unable to tear his eyes away from the boy. But then, who could blame him? Who would be able to look away from the most beautiful human being in the world?_

_Smiling fondly, Yuuri sat down next to Victor. “What are you thinking about?” he asked._

_“I’m thinking that you’re too beautiful for words,” he answered._

_Yuuri blushed. “I’m not!” he protested._

_“You are.” Victor leaned forward and rubbed his nose against Yuuri’s. “You_ are _.”_

He stared up at the stars. Where was Yuuri now? Did he know where _he_ was? Was he on his way with a rescue team? Would he get here in time?

He sighed. He was so tired.

He dropped onto his back and went on staring up at the stars.

_Where_ is _Yuuri?_ he suddenly thought. _Why isn’t he here with me? Did we separate at some point?_

He closed his eyes and tried to think of a reason for their separation. But it was so hard to think. So hard to focus on any one thought…

His last thought before he drifted off was to wonder once again what they’d been working on together and whether they’d succeeded in their research.


	4. A Question of Identity

_He was drifting through a velvet blackness, a vast emptiness, with nothing but his suit for protection. Stars twinkled all around him and he felt as if all he had to do was reach out with his hand and he would catch a dozen or so stars twinkling in his palm._

_He was alone. The odds of him surviving were so small it was almost an impossibility._

_But he felt_ safe _._

_The darkness whispered his name to him. It promised to protect him. If he was lost, then he would be found, the darkness promised. If he was lonely, then someone would come and join him. If he was tired, he would get rest. If he was hungry, he would be fed._

_He closed his eyes and sighed. The stars sang to him, telling him that he was loved, that everything was fine._

_And then the singing stopped._

_The sudden silence made him open his eyes and look around in confusion._

_The darkness reached out, swallowing the stars, one at a time. The stars were disappearing._

_The stars were going out. No, whole worlds were going out. Death swept through the universe._

_And then it rose before him: the Dead World. It opened up and he knew he would be next…_

He opened his eyes and sat up.

He was still on Trésor. He wasn’t floating through space and nothing was trying to swallow him up. All that hadn’t been real. It hadn’t actually happened. It was just…

…a _dream_.

He tried to remember if he’d ever dreamt before and found that he couldn’t.

Didn’t everyone dream? Didn’t he have at least one dream at least once?

A dream about Yuuri, for example, or…

He felt like a person scrambling for a hold along a slippery edge. His memories had suddenly faded from his mind, leaving only imprints of what had once been there.

He lost his hold and tumbled into the gaping chasm below.

Who was he? Why couldn’t he remember dreaming before?

Why…?

He stared up at the little pinpricks of light in a deep, deep darkness and felt cold and terrified.

And alone.

He dropped down on something hard and white.

“Yuuri,” a voice whispered.

His eyes closed and he breathed slowly.

“Yuuri…”

“Hmm…”

The memories slipped in, but they were different this time. He’d never _lived_ those memories. He’d never experienced all those emotions.

He’d been _told_ about them, told every little detail that the memories had been made from.

He wasn’t Victor. No, his name was different.

“Yuuri,” the stars went on whispering. “Yuuri,” a long-forgotten voice said, “Yuuri, I will look after you no matter what happens.”

He was so warm. A smile spread over his face.

_“What is love?” a voice asked._

He rolled his eyes. What did the speaker know about such a feeling?

 

 _“Scientists talk about the biology and chemistry of the process, but deep down what_ is _love?”_

Love was…

 

 _“Or, to put it another way: what makes love happen? Here we are – bones, muscles, tissues, organs… nothing more than a bunch of cells, a myriad of molecules, so_ why _and_ how _do we love?”_

It was…

 

 _“Is there such a thing as a soul? Is_ that _what does the loving? If you grew all the cells you needed and put them together would you get a human being? And what would they be like? Would they be like you and me? Or would they act as if they were obeying a bunch of commands with no emotions driving any of their actions?”_

Was…

 

_“This was the question posed by Dr. Feltsman when he carried out his experiments in 2234.”_

He raised his hand and stared at it. Love was…

It was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t find the right words.

_“Yuuri.”_

None of those memories were his. Victor had told him all of that on long, lazy afternoons, on dark, late nights, on bright, early mornings. Victor talked incessantly about his past, about his feelings. He’d spoken so much about it all that he felt as if he’d lived Victor’s life with him. More than that, he felt as if _he_ was Victor.

But he wasn’t.

He’d grown up with his family on a planet full of people. He’d lived near a space port where his family kept an onsen, a hot spring, that got visitors from all corners of their star system.

He’d helped out at the inn since he was small and listened to the various tongues of the visitors. He’d swallowed up all their stories of incredible, distant worlds. He’d marvelled at how much they differed from each other, at how many forms life could take, at how many structures societies assumed out there.

Out there in the big universe.

And he’d left it all, eager to find out more about the universe so full of wonder.

 

_He sat in a planet hopper full of people and fidgeted._

_He’d applied to Trésor University, assuming they’d never take him, but – incredibly – they did and now he had to actually go and study there._

_Afraid of going alone, he brought his best friend with him: a puppy named Vicchan._

 

He returned to the present with a pang of fear. Where was Vicchan? What had happened to him? How come all his later memories with Victor included only Victor’s dog?

 

_A dog dashed out of Victor’s apartment, pouncing onto him and knocking him off his feet. He laughed as the dog licked his face._

_For a moment he imagined his Vicchan had returned to him, but, no, this was a different dog. It was bigger, for a start, and it didn’t quite look the same. This was Victor’s dog._

_The full weight of it hit him then and he wept, realizing how much he missed his friend, how much he needed him._

_Victor’s worried face swam into view through all the tears. “Yuuri? Are you alright?”_

_No and he would never be alright._

_He let Victor take his dog away and sit him down on the couch. He lowered his head onto his hands and told him everything…_

The memory ended there. Vicchan’s fate was too painful to think about and he did his best to remember something else.

He cast his mind over all the memories and tried to assemble them into something coherent. Still one question remained unanswered. What were they working on? What was he helping Victor search for? Did they succeed? Did they find it? Or was this a side effect of their failure?

And then an odd memory came to him of words said once, but he couldn’t remember under what circumstances they’d been said, or by whom.

 

_“Despite all our advancements, despite all the technology humanity has developed, there still remains one computer we can’t seem to surpass: the human brain. We’ve been playing catch up with nature for hundreds of years and still it manages to stay in the lead. Will we ever win the race? Who knows?”_

He was filled with a strong sense of horror. If before he was lonely and terrified of death, that was nothing to the feeling that filled him now. It was a different kind of horror, a kind he’d never felt before…

No, he’d felt it once when…

 

Nothing. There was nothing.

He stared up at the deep darkness full of little white dots and tried to remember where he was and what he’d been doing. Who was he anyway?

The ground was barren under and around him. White, featureless, except for…

There was something arching over him.

He turned and realized he’d been sitting under a hill.

The sky wasn’t all full of stars: over there a big chunk was all black because it was blocked out by…

The hill…

The mountain…

He saw it in his mind’s eye…

The _Wave_.

Trésor. He was on Trésor, orbiting the Dead World that no one could explain. But what did that matter if Trésor was dead itself?

And it was all Victor Nikiforov’s fault. The thought was clear in his mind before he could even remember who Victor Nikiforov was. Why? What had he done? How was this his fault?

Images of Victor’s face flashed through his mind: grinning, crying, glaring, asleep. He remembered the way Victor’s fingers tightened into fists and how the colour drained from his lips as he did his best to keep his mounting fury in check.

He remembered that kicked puppy look on his face when someone had really hurt him. Not just anyone either – him. He himself had done that. Did they fight? Was that it?

 

_Piles of equipment, instruments tossed all over the tables, a great big pile of wires…_

_…and Victor’s frustrated sigh as he pulled his fingers through his messy hair._

_There were dark circles under his eyes. He looked ready to collapse. There was just no way that Victor could keep going like this. He took fewer and fewer breaks, as if punishing himself for his continued failure._

_But he knew that it didn’t work like that. They were both only human: they needed their rest and not just the physical kind._

_“Victor,” he began and watched the man turn at the sound of his name. “Victor, listen…” he said as carefully as he could, “what if we did something else? We’re just stuck at a dead end with this project. What if we tried to research something else? We could come back to this with a fresh mind and maybe then we’d know what the answer is.”_

_“What else is there?” Victor almost wailed. “How can I work on something else when I can’t even find the answer I’m looking for? We’re so close, Yuuri!” He grabbed him by the arms. “Don’t you see? We’re almost there! We’ve almost got it!”_

_There was an odd gleam in his eyes that made Yuuri shudder. “It’s been a long day,” he said soothingly. “Let’s go sleep and come back tomorrow.”_

_“I almost have it, Yuuri, I can’t leave it now. It will slip away and I’ll never have it again!”_

_“Victor,” Yuuri said in a harder tone, “I’m tired. Let’s take a break and come back tomorrow.”_

_“No, no!” He was ready to fall over with fatigue, Yuuri was sure of it and still he stubbornly refused to stop. “No! If you’re tired, then you go, but I won’t!”_

_“I’m not going anywhere without you!” Yuuri grabbed Victor’s hands and pulled him towards the door. “We’ll come back tomorrow. Come on, let’s go.”_

_“You think I’m crazy, don’t you?” Victor suddenly said, breaking free and stepping away. “You’re just like all the others – you don’t believe that I can find it. You think I’m another one of those madmen who’ll waste his life away searching for the answer that no one is meant to find?”_

_“Victor,” Yuuri pleaded, “I don’t think you’re crazy. I just think you’re tired. That’s why you’re rambling about nonsense –”_

_“Nonsense? I will find out why the Dead World is dead! I told you that I’d find it and I won’t let you or anyone else stop me!” Victor backed away. “I can’t stop now. I have to keep going. I know what you’ll do. You’ll just lock me away somewhere and keep me from coming back! Well, I won’t listen to you. I won’t leave until I’ve found my answer!”_

_“Fine!” Yuuri exclaimed. “If your plan to find your answer includes working yourself to death, then who am I to intervene?” He turned away. “I’m going!”_

_He banged the door behind him and stormed out of the laboratory like someone about to take down the entire building._

_Why couldn’t Victor see that he was just worrying about him? Why did he have to be so stubborn? What would they do if they never found the solution?_

_He felt his blood go cold._

_Every problem had a solution and this one couldn’t be an exception. It just couldn’t. And Victor was going to kill himself trying to figure out what the solution was._

_Well, let him! If he wasn’t going to take care of himself, how could Yuuri hope to do it for him?_

_He made it all the way to the exit, his mind full of nasty and hurtful thoughts, until something made him pause at the door._

_Victor was only human: he had to take a break. Yuuri knew that, but was that just it, or was there more? Could a human being solve this problem, if the most advanced computers refused to yield a solution? There was one thing humans still had that machines didn’t – ingenuity._

“Despite all our advancements, despite all the technology humanity has developed, there still remains one computer we can’t seem to surpass: the human brain.” _He could still remember the way the speaker walked back and forth as he said those words._

_Yuuri turned on his heel and ran back to the lab._

_“Victor!” he exclaimed, knocking on the door. “Victor! I figured it out! I know the answer!”_

_The door opened and Victor stood there, looking guilty. “Yuuri, I’m so sorry,” he said. “Please don’t be mad at me for –”_

_“Victor, there’s nothing to apologize for, really! Listen, I worked it out! I know what how to solve your problem!” He took Victor by the hands and stared into his face. “The human brain, Victor!” he exclaimed, not bothering to wait for any proof that Victor had understood a word he’d said. “Forget computers. If we hook one of our brains up to it, we’ll be able to perform all the calculations required!”_

_“Yuuri –”_

_He stared away at the wall, as his brain raced on. “You have to use my brain, Victor. Don’t you see? It’s the only way!”_

_They met each other’s eyes._

_“No,” Victor whispered softly. “No. What if it kills you? We’ll use mine. I’m the one who wants to know the answer, after all.”_

_“And if you die, then what? You’ll never get your answer,” Yuuri pointed out._

_He felt Victor’s hands take his face, their touch so warm and so soft. He closed his eyes with a sigh. How would he ever let this go?_

_Victor leaned close and pressed his lips against Yuuri’s. His heart beat fast in his chest._

_If Victor was gone, what would happen to him? Who would he be without Victor? What would he do?_

_“Together,” Yuuri whispered, his mouth pulling away from Victor’s, “together or not at all. We’ll use both our minds.”_

_Victor pulled him into an embrace and whispered into his ear, “We’ll find out even if it kills us?”_

He rose to his feet and walked around, feeling ill. His stomach was spinning around and around. He was sure he would throw up any minute.

He closed his eyes and breathed in slowly.

He had to keep going. But where could he go on this rock?

On a whim, he walked around the Wave and climbed up to the very top. It was a long climb, but at least it gave him something to think about, something that wasn’t two idiots prepared to sacrifice their lives to answer a question that didn’t really matter.

Why was the Dead World dead? Did it matter?

Maybe it wasn’t dead, he thought darkly, maybe it was actually very alive.

He reached the top just as this thought crystalized in his mind and gazed up at the Dead World floating in the sky above, cursing himself and his imagination.

Why did he have to think that now?

But at least it distracted him from…

 

_He worked away, preparing all of the materials he would need to build the right sort of machine. No robot could be trusted with something as extraordinary as this, not if they wanted to keep their secret safe._

_Secret._

_Why did it have to be a secret? Would they get in trouble for something like this?_

_He paused for a moment and considered this. They were treading shaky ground and he knew it. In his mind he knew it wasn’t completely right, but then, maybe, as they worked away they’d think of something better? Maybe they’d find a solution that wouldn’t put their lives at risk?_

_…Otherwise this could end in one of them sacrificing themselves just to satisfy a curiosity._

_But then, Victor had already admitted that he was ready to die for his work and wouldn’t he, Yuuri, sacrifice himself to see Victor happy? Wouldn’t he?_

_Victor was worth all the secrets of the universe, all the…_

He stared up at the Dead World.

And now Victor was the one who wasn’t here. He had a chance of finding out the answer, but what good would it do if Victor wasn’t there?


	5. A Paradox

He lowered his head and felt tears form in his eyes. _I don’t want to know why that stupid world is dead. I never cared for that. Not as much as you did, anyway. You’re the one who should be here. You’re the one who…_

But was Victor really gone?

He stared down at his still gloved hands.

He could remember the touch of Victor’s hands on his face and he could remember…

_…the feel of Yuuri’s lips against his own._

 

_He woke up late one morning to find the spot beside him empty. He opened his mouth to call out, but he was spared the trouble._

_Victor burst into the room, carrying a tray covered in food._

_Yuuri was so beautiful. He was drunk out of his mind, spinning around a pole almost completely naked, and still he was the most beautiful person in the room._

Who was he? He felt a trickle of sweat slide down his back. Why did he have two sets of memories? Why couldn’t he remember for sure if he was Victor or Yuuri? That was important. Forgetting something like what they worked on paled in comparison to this. He had to remember who he was. He just had to.

 

_He was floating. Floating through space._

_He had no suit on!_

_He panicked. Why wasn’t he dead? How was he still alive?_

_Then he realized that there was glass all around him._

_He was in a glass bubble floating through space, he told himself and calmed down._

_Wait! Glass bubble?_

_There were no mechanisms attached, nothing that would help him recycle his air or generate food for him to eat._

_He was trapped. So trapped…_

_The Dead World loomed up ahead, as dead as ever._

_He put his hands on the glass and peered out at it. Was it his imagination or was it somehow different?_

_Yes, the colour was different._

_The Dead World turned and he could make out a face on it now. The planet opened up like a beast opening their mouth and swallowed him up._

He woke up with a start and felt his arms and legs. His bits were still all there. It had been nothing more than another dream.

The starry sky remained overhead and the white barren ground – underneath. And the Dead World continued along its path.

He had another day’s worth of oxygen left and then it wouldn’t matter which of the two scientists he was. Nothing mattered, nothing…

_No!_ He stood up and his hands tightened into fists. “I will find out the Dead World’s secrets,” he promised aloud. “I will figure out who I am, and I will get off this rock and live on to share what I’ve found.”

 

_“All the secrets of the universe are yours,” Victor whispered, putting his hands over Yuuri’s._

_They stood facing each other, but Yuuri’s gaze was on his hands. They were joined together between Victor’s._

_Yuuri raised his eyes to meet Victor’s. His heart beat fast in his chest._

He could feel the way they loved each other. Yuuri’s love was tender and soft. On the surface it seemed like nothing more than a crush, but it was deep and without end. Yuuri gave his whole soul over, trusting Victor with it completely. Victor loved grandly, prepared to fight monsters and conquer countries at a single command from his loved one. It also fooled the outside observer into thinking that it was nothing serious when, in fact, it was strong, the kind of love that would go on long after both lovers were dead.

He realized he was thinking about their feelings for each other like an outside observer and tried to think about something else, worried that he was on the verge of losing his mind.

If he could remember both of their lives, then how could he hope to figure out which of the two of them he was?

Was this a side effect of what they’d done? Did they hook up two minds to a machine and get each other’s memories, or… or did they merge into one person as a result?

This possibility filled him with horror.

 

_Roads. A million roads leading in all directions. No, more than a million, much more than a million, so many that there was no word for it. And, yet, somehow, he could see what lay at the end of each one._

_More than that: he could see a map of the entire universe and understand all its secrets. They were all there for him to look at._

_He could see… He could see…_

Time.

 

He couldn’t see it now, but he could still remember the feeling of seeing it all and _knowing_.

Of course, it was hard for the human mind to retain all that information.

He gripped his head with both hands, feeling as if it was ready to burst. What had they done? What had _he_ done? What was happening?

Maybe he was imagining it all. Who knew if any of that had really happened? Maybe he’d just invented it all to pass the time before his inevitable end. Maybe Yuuri and Victor never existed. But then, how did he end up here in the first place?

Mad thoughts circled around in his mind, taunting him, as if wishing to drive him insane.

Why didn’t he have a normal life? Why couldn’t he have just woken up in his bed, in his house and –

He sat down on the ground as more memories dropped into his mind without warning. If at first his mind had been completely empty, now it felt ready to spill out. How many more memories will drop into it? How many more memories will there be?

The pain, the loneliness and all those odd memories clicked into place and there was that horror again.

 

_“I’m looking into a way to possibly,_ possibly _, figure out why the Dead World is so dead.” Victor held his breath and waited for Yuuri to laugh, or roll his eyes, or make a sarcastic comment._

_Yuuri did none of those and continued to listen patiently as he’d requested._

_“I think,” he began uncertainly, “I have an approach that no one’s tried before.”_

_Still Yuuri went on listening with a serious expression on his face._

_He licked his lips. “Well, you see, I was thinking…” It was so hard to say things plainly when he had such a good listener, but he knew there was no avoiding the rest of the sentence now. “I was thinking we’ve been approaching the problem the wrong way entirely.” He watched Yuuri frown and kept going. “For decades scientists have been carrying out experiments, thinking up different explanations, studying all of the planet’s properties as closely as possible, but why do all that? Why not let the planet show you its secrets?”_

_He paused to let Yuuri ask what his strange declaration meant._

_“Simple,” he said, even though he himself would’ve had to admit that it was everything but simple. “If, instead of theorizing, we could see for ourselves how the planet formed, then we would have the answer to our question.” He knew he sounded like he was lecturing, but he couldn’t help it: he’d gone over this imaginary presentation of his idea hundreds of times._

_Yuuri looked thoughtful and gave a little nod to show that he understood. “See? But how… Unless…” He locked eyes with Victor. “You want to travel back in time,” he said simply, as if they were talking about visiting the next star system. Yuuri didn’t shout, didn’t curse and didn’t call Victor mad. He merely stood there and actually thought about Victor’s idea._

You really are perfect, _Victor thought and forced himself to focus on the conversation. “Yes. I know that we still have no way to travel in time, but what if we did?”_

_Yuuri smiled. “Are you suggesting we build a time machine?”_

_“Well… Yes, that is exactly what I’m suggesting.” He pulled his fingers through his hair as a faintly embarrassed expression appeared on his face. “What do you say to that?”_

_“Is that what you’ve been working on all this time?” Yuuri asked and Victor braced himself for how the rest of the conversation would go._

_“Yes.” Oh well. It was worth a try. Maybe he’d find someone else to be his assistant. Who was he kidding? How could he possibly hope to find anyone else even remotely qualified?_

_“That was very bold of you,” Yuuri said softly._

_Victor felt the corners of his mouth start to rise. “I like to dream big,” he admitted. “But… I guess this dream is…” he paused._

_“…too big to carry alone?” Yuuri finished for him._

_Oh god! They were finishing each other’s sentences now!_

_Victor let his eyes sink into Yuuri’s._ Soulmates, _he thought, his heart singing._ That’s what we are.

_Yuuri gave a little nod, as if agreeing with this evaluation. “I like this dream you have, Victor.”_

And I like you. _The words almost slipped out of him, but he held them back just in time._

_“So when do I start?”_

_“As soon as you can.” Victor wanted to say “Now”, but he kept his enthusiasm in check, inviting Yuuri to lunch instead._

_They hit it off so well that they ended up having dinner together that evening and sat at the restaurant late into the night with a pair of drinks on the table before them and a piece of paper they covered with writing._

_Yuuri barely touched his. Victor later learned why._

_He didn’t make big leaps in his research as soon as Yuuri joined him. Sure, here was a fresh pair of eyes to look at what Victor had done, but it took some time to get Yuuri up to speed on everything._

_They started out with regular hours, taking breaks and days off here and there. Victor took Yuuri to all his favourite places on Trésor and some places he’d never visited before and Yuuri came along willingly._

_They fell slowly, but deeply for each other and spent every possible minute together._

_Yuuri learned about the loneliness in Victor’s heart and Victor learned about the big hole in Yuuri’s._

_It was late one night when they stood by the window in Victor’s bedroom, staring up at the stars above._

_“Yuuri,” Victor said softly, lowering his hands onto Yuuri’s shoulders, “let’s go outside. You can’t see the sky from here.”_

_Yuuri turned and, despite the darkness in the room, Victor was prepared to swear that Yuuri’s eyes were glowing. Victor waited for Yuuri to turn back to look at the stars before pressing his cheek against Yuuri’s really warm one._

_“Over there,” Victor whispered, gesturing at a star system that could just be made out through the glass, “is the planet that belongs to my family and one of the moons that orbits around it is the one where I spent several years before coming here.” He’d never told anyone this before, at least not without a silly story to make it sound like it could almost be a joke. “I lived all alone, not realizing how lonely I was…”_

_Yuuri reclined his head against Victor’s shoulder and their lips met. Victor felt so warm and so very, very at peace. Yuuri’s hands found both of his and rested over them._

_All this was like a dream, like the sweetest dream imaginable._

_And Victor feared that the dream would end and that a day would come when he would have to wake up. Some days he’d have nightmares that he discovered that Yuuri never existed and that he’d made him up to fill the hole in his heart. Not knowing how to deal with this fear, his mind turned instead to making plans for the two of them._

_He imagined taking Yuuri back to his moon, to show off everything on it that he’d helped create and promised himself to take Yuuri there as soon as he found his answers._

_It was the only plan he made for what he’d do when he finally finished his work._

_Yuuri’s left hand found its way into Victor’s hair, cutting off his train of thought._

This, I want more of this, _Victor thought and heard Yuuri give a gentle sigh._

_“I love you,” Yuuri whispered and Victor buried his face in Yuuri’s soft hair._

_They gave more and more hours up to their work. The breaks got shorter and further apart. Gone were the dates to neat little cafés when they would try different desserts, gone were the skating dates as well. They grew tired and irritable._

_But just as Victor started to fear that they would break up and it would all be over Yuuri had his bright idea._

_“Listen, I worked it out! I know what how to solve your problem!” He took Victor by the hands and stared into his face. “The human brain, Victor!” he exclaimed, not bothering to wait for any proof that Victor had understood a word he’d said. “Forget computers. If we hook one of our brains up to it, we’ll be able to perform all the calculations required!”_

_“Yuuri –”_

_He stared away at the wall, as his brain raced on. “You have to use my brain, Victor. Don’t you see? It’s the only way!”_

_They met each other’s eyes._

_“No,” Victor whispered softly. “No. What if it kills you? We’ll use mine. I’m the one who wants to know the answer, after all.”_

_“And if you die then what? You’ll never know your answer,” Yuuri pointed out._

_Victor took Yuuri’s face, leaned close and pressed his lips against Yuuri’s._

_“Together,” Yuuri whispered, his mouth pulling away from Victor’s, “together or not at all. We’ll use both our minds.”_

_Victor pulled him into an embrace and whispered into his ear, “We’ll find out even if it kills us?”_

_Yuuri nodded._

_There were too many unknowns for a machine to deal with, or, to be more exact, too many solutions. If they could make the right interface, their brains could help narrow some of them down._

_But it was risky. There had been so many experiments in this field and none of them had proved successful, so they started with what they knew and built a basic interface._

_Yuuri insisted on regular breaks this time. The work drained all his energy so that he could barely smile at Victor at the end of the day. Seeing this, Victor didn’t argue._

_“Maybe we can try…” Yuuri began one morning and then sighed and turned away. “No, no it wouldn’t work.”_

_An hour passed and again he sounded ready to suggest something else and again he cut himself off and didn’t press the subject further._

_Victor waited patiently for Yuuri to say what was on his mind. He knew better than to press the man for answers._

_But Yuuri repeated himself four more times that day, all without getting anything coherent out._

He’s trying to come up with some other way, _Victor thought._

_Despite the gruelling work, Yuuri could barely sleep at night, accidentally waking Victor up a few times with his tossing and turning._

_After several days like this Victor knew he couldn’t wait for Yuuri to get the words out any longer._

_He lowered his tools and raised his head to try and catch Yuuri’s eye. “You don’t have to do it,” he said. “I know it’s terrifying and –”_

_“That’s not it,” Yuuri cut him off impatiently. “I’m prepared to sacrifice my life for you, but…”_

 

 

Something was blinking brightly in the sky overhead. He stared at it for a full minute, but still it wouldn’t go away.

It hadn’t been there before, he was sure of it. What was it?

He turned on the vision-enhancing software on his suit and zoomed in. It was a ‘craft, he was sure of it, and it was coming his way.

A ‘craft meant people, which meant getting off this dead rock and surviving.

He sat up and fiddled with the controls on his suit. There had to be a way to send a signal, there just _had_ to.

After some time he finally had it and broadcast the signal as far out as he possibly could.

_There’s someone here. There’s someone stuck on this barren rock._

He kept sending it and watching the ‘craft. It continued to move in his direction, as if it had intended to come here anyway.

_Maybe they’re the ones we agreed with to come and get me,_ he thought and felt foolish. _That’s why I had three days’ worth of oxygen: they’re meant to come and get me in that time._

He didn’t bother comparing that thought to his memories. Help was on its way. What did it matter how it fit in with everything else that had happened?

He watched on, worried that the ‘craft would change its course and fly past him, if he removed his eyes from it for a single second. Even as it became obvious that it was preparing to land he couldn’t help worrying it was just his imagination and it wasn’t going to land after all, but just hover around.

When the landing was complete at last he ran down the Wave and to the ‘craft.

Why did it take so long to open up and to let people out? Why did everything just take forever? Why?

Finally a door opened and a figure in a suit came out. They walked over to him, slowly as they adjusted to the local gravity.

“Greetings!” they said. “We caught your signal. What are you doing here?” So they weren’t here because of an earlier agreement.

Each word was spoken slowly in the common tongue and then repeated in two other languages even though he’d broadcast his help signal in the common tongue.

But he didn’t think about that. He was too busy panicking about what to say. How could he tell them the truth when the truth was that he couldn’t remember anything, least of all how he got here? Or that he wasn’t sure who he was most of the time? How would that sound?

_If I tell them the truth, they’ll investigate. What if they find out something I don’t want them to know?_

He had no choice but to come up with a lie that sounded convincing, modifying the truth as little as possible. “Hello! I was on an exploration mission when my ‘craft got damaged. I was forced to land here. There’s no atmosphere here, but I thought I could find –”

“Where is the rest of your crew?”

_Damn! Now they’re thinking I’m a murderer!_ “There was no crew,” he said. “This was a solitary mission. I’m…” he invented desperately, “a bit of an eccentric and I prefer to travel alone.”

“So you came here on your own, your ‘craft was destroyed and now you are stuck here?” they repeated.

He swallowed. “Yes.” It sounded like the least believable story in the world.

“Good thing we came along then!” they exclaimed.

There was a pause as he waited for them to invite him to their ‘craft and they waited for he didn’t know what.

“Listen,” he spoke, seeing that it was left up to him, “my oxygen levels are getting low. Can we go to your ‘craft? I promise to answer all the questions you have there.”

They considered this before replying. “Alright. Follow me.”

The ‘craft was small. It was probably mostly run by automated systems with the smallest crew keeping an eye on the instruments.

They entered the depressurization chamber together, waited for the door to close and for the air pumps to turn on without exchanging another word.

“Depressurization complete,” an automated voice announced.

The person from the rescue ship removed their helmet first to reveal a head full of red hair. They turned and a kind and open face smiled at him.

He knew her!

“Hello!” she exclaimed. “My name is…”

_Mila Babicheva,_ his memory supplied.

“…Mila Babicheva,” she said. “What’s yours?”

He hesitated, remembered about his helmet and removed it. “Yuuri Katsuki,” he introduced himself and forced all the memories of Victor calling out his name out of his mind.

“Nice to meet you, Yuuri,” she said, her expression still as warm and welcoming as before.

Why did he know her name? Had they met before? But, if they had – why didn’t she recognize him?

He did his best to smile and keep the worry off his face, but the questions wouldn’t leave him alone.

Where had he seen her before? How did he know her? The questions just went round and round in his head as he followed her further into the ship.

She chatted on about what a coincidence it was that they found him, how lucky for him and on so in that general vein, until he was ready to yell at her to stop talking.

A door slid open and another crew member appeared at the end of the corridor and his heart fell as he recognized her too.

“Sara Crispino,” Mila introduced her and got a stern look from her crewmate.

“Who are you?” Sara demanded. “Why did you let him on our ship, Mila?”

“This is Yuuri. He said his ship got destroyed and the oxygen in his suit is running out, so I thought we should question him in here,” Mila explained in a placating tone.

This rescue really wasn’t going how he’d imagined it. He stifled the urge to snap at both of them and did his best to appear friendly and not at all like a murderer.

“I understand why you’d distrust someone you found all on their own on a barren planet,” he began. “In your case, I probably wouldn’t trust this person either, but the truth is…” He took a deep breath, “my mission here is a bit of a secret. I’ve been studying this moon and the planet it orbits for quite some time.” This was technically true. “I’ve told very few people, because well… I’ve been mocked for it in the past.”

Mila and Sara gave him nearly identical looks of interest mixed with a hint of distrust.

“That planet,” he waved in its general direction, “is dead and nothing anyone does can change that. No terraforming technology will work on it. My mission here is to find out why.” He congratulated himself on continuing to stick to the truth.

“It’s an odd planet, certainly,” Mila admitted. “We ran a few scans as we passed it by. No life signs, for sure, but also a few things that don’t make sense.”

“As if the whole planet isn’t there?” he suggested.

“Yes,” she confirmed with a nod. “I’ve never seen or heard of anything like it.”

“Ok,” Sara cut in impatiently, “assuming I _do_ believe your story, what am I supposed to do with you now?”

“Take me back to…” he hesitated for a moment and, well, if there was nothing here then where could he go but home? Back home to…

“HA-setsu. I know it’s far…” _But I have nowhere else to go now._

What happened to Victor? Where was he? Why weren’t they together?

His memory refused to give him any answers to those questions. All he could do was keep on smiling and suppress his feelings for the present.

“HA-setsu?” Mila repeated. She exchanged a look with Sara. “We’ll discuss it and let you know,” she added, seeing the expression on Sara’s face.

So they still didn’t trust him. Well, it was worth a shot. “Should I wait outside, then?” he asked and braced himself.

“No,” Sara answered. “We have a room where you can wait.”

He didn’t argue, merely followed them to it without a word. He didn’t even say anything when they locked him in. It was a plain room with nothing but a bed that folded out of the wall. He ignored it and paced the room instead. Where had he seen the two women before? Where?

Mila Babicheva and Sara Crispino…

… _the first known people to land on Trésor,_ his memory suddenly supplied.

His blood ran cold. Victor’s plan to travel to the past had worked! That was why Trésor was so barren. This was how the planet looked like before humans came along and terraformed it. The Dead World had nothing to do with it.

What use was going to HA-setsu then? What was the point of going home, if it wouldn’t be his home for several hundred years?

He was stuck in the past with no way of getting back. He dropped onto the bed and lowered his head onto his hands.

What could a person from the future possibly do? Invent everything not yet invented?

He snorted and then sat up straighter, remembering about his suit.

But, no, the tech wasn’t _that_ advanced. This wasn’t like landing in the Pre-Computer Age. Even if there was tech on it that was far ahead of everything in the present, he was sure that it didn’t stand out enough for someone to be tempted to take it apart and find out. It definitely didn’t look too different from Mila’s suit.

It felt like an eternity since they’d left him here, but, then again, why rush? He had nowhere else to be and several hundred years to wait.

He dropped onto the bed without removing his suit just in case they told him to get out. His eyes closed, but he remained awake. How could anyone sleep at a time like this?

What could he possibly do without a home to go to, a job or without Victor by his side? The last thought hit him hard. He put his hands over his face.

He thought about the sky full of stars that they’d stared at so many times together, at those billions of worlds teeming with life, and for the first time it all felt dead to him.

A knock on the door made him wipe his tears hastily away and sit up. “Come in.”

Mila poked her head in. “It’s just me,” she said.

He watched her enter the room and lean against the door. “I’ll be honest with you, Yuuri – we don’t trust you an inch.”

He bit back the urge to protest.

“But we are curious to hear more about the dead planet out there,” she added. “And we can’t exactly throw you out of the ‘craft to die.”

“So what are you suggesting?” he asked.

“Sara and I are on a mission to find something unusual and it looks like we finally have.” He remembered then how long they’d travelled for before they came here. “We aren’t about to leave this place just to take you home, but if you’re here to study this place as well, then why don’t we unite our forces and study it together? Of course, you found it first and, so, you’ll get the credit for…”

He didn’t hear any of the words she said next. His appearance here was already changing history. This was a little thing, but what else would he change and what would be the consequences?

If he found out why the Dead World was the way it was then Mila and Sara would publish their findings and Victor wouldn’t decide to work on a project to study the Dead World, he wouldn’t hire Yuuri and he wouldn’t end up in the past (no matter how they’d done it).

It was a paradox.

But what was he supposed to do? Turn them down? Not only would it look suspicious, but it would also mean he’d have to go back out there and try to survive on Trésor with less than a day’s worth of oxygen.

He waited for her to finish talking before accepting her offer. It didn’t matter what her conditions would be, he would accept all of them and figure out what to do later.

As it turned out, there weren’t that many conditions. She didn’t say it, but he suspected that they planned to keep him under some form of surveillance at all times.

“Welcome aboard!” she exclaimed once they finished their negotiations and he did his best to look pleased.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I get to post the lovely art my artist made for this fic! Check out their tumblr post for it [here](http://mashazart.tumblr.com/post/178748218652/pinchhitting-for-witharthurkirkland-s).


	6. Like the Planet

The crew consisted of only Sara and Mila, just as the history records would claim, except that now he was also there. As he’d thought, most of the tasks were carried out by computers, including all the monitoring of essential systems.

Both women hadn’t just travelled for a long time, they also came from a long way across several galaxies before finding both planets. As they told him about themselves (or, rather, as Mila told him and Sara watched him suspiciously) he found himself remembering more and more of the details he’d read in their biographies. Like Victor and Yuuri they came from two completely different worlds, but studied together at a military academy. As another Interplanetary War raged on in their system they prepared to join the war, only to find when they graduated that the war was over. And so two soldiers became scientists and explorers instead.

There was still the hint of a soldier in the way they both walked, but if they had any other military habits, he never noticed them.

At first glance it seemed as if Mila was the reckless one while Sara was more level-headed. Mila would have wild daring ideas and never once showed fear of anything. Sara, on the other hand, treaded on the side of caution. But when he got to know them better he realized that this wasn’t quite true.

They were in orbit around the Dead World, had been for two days already, and were comparing the readings on their instruments from different sides (an exercise he knew was pointless even if he hadn’t said so.)

“All this watching and measuring is getting us nowhere,” Mila said, making them stop what they were doing to give her their full attention. She was getting visibly restless and it was no great secret for her crewmembers that she was just itching to go out and do something. “Why don’t I go down to the planet’s surface?”

He opened his mouth to argue, but Sara cut in before he could, “With readings like these? Who knows what’s down there? Our navigation instruments won’t work on the surface for sure!”

He didn’t wait for Mila to argue back, merely jumped in before she could say another word. “I sent a probe down there,” he lied, describing a mission that wouldn’t happen for another 50 years at least, “and it never returned. I lost contact with it on its way down. I don’t think it was just faulty equipment.” _Besides,_ he added mentally, _I already know that no one who went down there ever came back._

Sara gave him a grateful look. “See? What if I lose you? What then?”

He lowered his head and pretended to be interested in what one of the instruments was showing while the explorers went on as if he wasn’t there.

Anyone who’d been around them for longer than two hours noticed the obvious: Sara and Mila were in love. Of course, this had also been mentioned in their biographies, so he knew about it before they gave themselves away. He did the only thing he could think of: busied himself and tried his hardest not to feel like a third wheel. At nights he had trouble sleeping and thought of those first dates with Victor as he stared out at the stars.

Seeing that she wasn’t going to get her way, Mila stormed off in a huff.

He didn’t raise his head, as if he hadn’t heard anything, and went on, comparing different readings.

There was a short silence as he debated how long he would have to go on acting as if nothing had happened before he could look at Sara again.

“I have to be cautious,” Sara suddenly confided in him.

He raised his head from his screen and gave her a puzzled look. “What?”

“Out of the two of us, someone’s got to do it and I know it’s me.” She threw a glance at the place where Mila had stood several minutes ago. “She’s too reckless and always will be.” There was so much fondness on her face it was almost glowing.

He merely nodded.

“There’s someone you keep thinking about, isn’t there?” she asked.

Now it was his turn to give her a wary look. “What does it matter?”

“It’s just…” She threw a look at the door that had closed behind Mila, “…you look as if you’ve lost someone very important to you.”

He lowered his head, pretending that he’d just noticed something very fascinating, and didn’t say anything.

“Sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean to pry. I just thought… Well, I thought you were suffering and, maybe (if you want to, of course) you can talk about it. I’ll be more than happy to listen.”

He felt a tear slide down his cheek and lowered his head further. “I don’t.” _Because what use will it be? It’s not as if you can help me. No one can._

She put a hand on his shoulder and he went very still.

“He’s gone, alright?” he said quietly, the edge of frustration in his voice. “Gone and nothing you or I do will change that.”

“It wasn’t a probe, was it?” she whispered.

He raised his head sharply. “What?”

“That person you care about – they went down to the planet and never came back, didn’t they?” she suggested.

He opened his mouth to argue, but couldn’t. Did it matter how Victor was gone if he was beyond his reach? He felt a lump rise in his throat and settled for a simple nod.

She rubbed his back gently and didn’t press the matter further. “I’ll go see if Mila is still mad at me,” she said and left him on his own.

_And now she’s going to tell Mila about our conversation,_ he thought and found that he was too numb to care.

They didn’t bring it up for the rest of the day and settled instead into their usual routine – dinner, exercise and a short game of cards. It had amused him when he found out that they kept a deck of playing cards on board. He learned the rules to their games really quickly and won one game after the next with ease.

That night an odd idea came to him. He thought back to the suit he’d worn out on the surface of Trésor (that he’d taken off after they accepted him as part of their crew) and got it out to study it thoroughly.

But if there was something on the suit itself that let the wearer travel in time, he couldn’t find it. He put it away with a sigh. So much for that.

There was one other thing bothering him. It made it hard to sleep at night, but he did his best not to think about it.

_Don’t think about it. I’m just remembering things wrong. There’s nothing wrong. It’s fine. It’s all fine…_

_Stars, so many stars. He drifted among them as if he was also a star himself._

_The stars came closer…_

Boom!

The sound of a loud explosion jolted him awake and sent him running to the source of the noise before he even had time to properly think about it.

The lights in the hallway turned brighter as he ran, illuminating his way.

He heard Mila and Sara shouting something in panic and sped up. Despite how small the ship was, it was still a bit of a dash from one end to the other and the explorers had made sure to give him the room furthest from the bridge.

Something was burning up ahead, filling the air with a thick smoke and a nasty smell.

He was close enough now to make out what his crewmembers were saying. As it turned out, they were both swearing as they fought the fire.

“Oh! Yuuri!” Mila exclaimed, noticing him. “We’ve got it under control, so there’s nothing to worry about!”

“This old crate needs a serious overhaul!” Sara shot back. “But we can handle this!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Of course!” they said nearly in unison with each other.

He remained where he was and watched them put the fire out just in case they needed something after all. Then he ran around to fetch this and that to help them repair the damage done.

It took the whole night and part of the following day before they were done, but they all knew how it was – you neglected to repair your ‘craft right away at your own peril.

Dirty and exhausted they made for the canteen, happy with a job well done.

“Yuuri!” Mila exclaimed in alarm, making him turn. “You’re bleeding!”

He looked down at his arm and saw the cut between his shoulder and elbow. “How did this happen?” His tone was calm, as if he was talking about someone else.

Sara led him gently to one of the chairs while Mila rushed off to fetch a medical kit.

“It’s really nothing,” he protested as they fussed over him. “I don’t even feel any pain.”

Mila pulled a small scanning device out of the kit and held it over his arm.

It whirred and clicked and then she raised it to read the display. She frowned and held it out to try again, but the readings the second time around didn’t please her any more than they did the first time.

“What’s wrong?” Sara asked.

“I think the scanner’s gone faulty…” Mila held it over her own hand and her eyebrows rose. “It’s fine now.”

She tried to scan him again, but got strange readings for a third time.

“Try me,” Sara offered. But her readings were fine as well.

_It’s because I’m from the future,_ he thought. _It’s picking something up, isn’t it?_ “What is it?” he asked, bracing himself for a strange answer.

“According to these scans,” Mila said, “you’re not here. For some reason, it won’t register your presence at all.”

_Wonderful!_ They both stared at him as he racked his brains for an explanation that would satisfy them.

“He’s like…” Sara began softly and glanced at the view outside, “like the planet…”

“Maybe it’s a side effect of being so close to it for so long?” he suggested. That wasn’t the reason, he knew. No one on Trésor had ever reported this kind of problem in the moon’s long history. It was the kind of thing that would’ve been shouted about in the media, he was sure. Not unless they did something to make sure it didn’t happen. Maybe the artificial atmosphere provided them all with shielding. He had to concede that it was possible.

“Well, we can’t have you go on bleeding,” Mila pointed out, breaking the silence with her usual cheery tone. She placed a small patch on his arm that cleaned the wound and healed his skin, removing all traces of the cut.

He stared at it in silence for several seconds, as if expecting it to reappear. “Thank you.”

“And now we eat!” Sara announced and walked over to the food dispenser.

“When we’re done I want to run more scans on you,” Mila told him.

He nodded. Of course she did. But, then, maybe it was for the best – maybe this was how the future population of Trésor was kept safe.

Still anxiety twisted his stomach and only increased when he stepped into the medi-bay and lay down on the empty bed. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe slowly.

 

_Hands. Two hands on his face and a voice whispering, “No matter what happens, you’ll be safe. You’ll be looked after.”_

His eyes snapped open. What did that mean?

Ever since he’d boarded their ‘craft, the memories had stopped and for a while, whenever he didn’t have to think about _a certain detail_ , he was at peace.

_No, don’t think about it. Don’t think about it._

“Are you alright?” Mila leaned over him with a worried expression on her face.

He gave her a nod and she took it as a sign to carry out some tests on him.

He was afraid of what they might find out, but could the truth really be worse than anything he’d already imagined?

Mila was entering something into a monitor, pulling up holographic screens and setting up different types of scans. He watched her without saying a word.

He was tired and sleepy, but he didn’t dare close his eyes, afraid that he would drift off and have another odd dream, or that a memory he wasn’t prepared for would slip into his mind against his wishes.

But how long could he avoid it for? How long before all his memories returned to him? Because if there was one thing he didn’t doubt it was that one day he would remember everything.

Then, at least he would know why, why…

He put his hands over his face and stifled a sob.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Mila asked a second time.

“My reflection…” he whispered.

“I’m sorry?” She put her hands over his and pulled them gently away from his face. “Yuuri?”

 

_“No matter what happens, you’ll be safe. You’ll be looked after.”_

 

He wasn’t safe. He _wasn’t_ looked after. “I’m… My reflection is all wrong!” he protested.

There was a long silence before Mila asked her next question. “Why?”

“That’s not what I look like!” Now the words were out, he was panicking again. He remembered seeing the stranger reflected in the glass and wondering who that was. He remembered how his head reeled when he realized that was his reflection.

If sensors weren’t picking him up, was it possible that mirrors weren’t reflecting him properly as well?

Mila was still holding on to him. She was still not running away and locking him up. “What are you supposed to look like?” she asked.

 

_“Let’s go for a walk,” Victor said._

_Yuuri raised his head. His black hair was even longer now, but despite the fact that he’d tied it back into a ponytail a lock was still trying to get into his face. He smiled and there was so much warmth in his brown eyes._

_Victor smiled back and tucked the loose lock behind Yuuri’s ear._

“I had… have black hair,” he whispered, as if afraid that someone else might hear them, “and brown eyes.”

“I… I don’t know how else to say this,” she began, “but – from what I see – your hair is blond and your eyes are…”

He covered his face with his hands.

Maybe Mila thought it was the planet’s influence again, or that he’d undergone surgery and forgotten about it, but he knew then what he’d known for a long time.

He wasn’t Yuuri Katsuki.

And he wasn’t Victor Nikiforov, either.

He was shaking now, unable to stop.

“Yuuri,” Mila whispered, stroking his arm. “There’s no need to be so scared. So you look different from what you remember, maybe it’s just… just the planet doing something strange…”

But how could that even be possible?

They hooked up their minds and…

_“I had an idea,”_ Victor’s voice told him from somewhere in the past. _“I was thinking of a way we could avoid using your or my mind and I thought: we could make one.”_

“Make one,” he repeated. “ _Make one!_ ”

_“I know,” Victor raised both hands in a placating gesture, “I know: what’s the difference between that and using a computer? What I meant was: we would create a_ human _mind.”_

He resisted the urge to scream.

_“We’ll make a mind that will work best with our machine,” Victor went on, as if he couldn’t stop talking. “It won’t be harmed by the connection.”_

_“But that’s not just a mind – it’s a person, Victor!” Yuuri protested. “You and I are both committed to this research, but this person will have a will and their own rights. You can’t force –”_

_Victor smiled in what he hoped was a disarming way. “I won’t. I’m going to ask for their help. Politely.”_

_“You’re going to make an augmented human just so you can travel back in time to find out why the Dead World is the way it is and you’re going to ask politely for this person’s help?” Yuuri asked in disbelief._

_“Yeah. So?”_

_“Just making sure I didn’t miss anything,” Yuuri assured him. He took Victor’s right hand in both of his own. “You’re ridiculous. Did you know that?”_

_Victor felt his heart stop. “Does that mean you’re breaking up with me?”_

_“What? No, not at all!” Yuuri protested. He stroked Victor’s hand and then pressed it to his lips. “I can’t help but love you all the more for it.”_

_Yuuri’s hair was getting long. He’d been too busy to get it cut and had to tie it in a short ponytail to keep it out of his face. Victor fiddled with strands of it, a fond smile spreading over his face._

_“I love you, Yuuri. You have no flaws whatsoever and I love you all the more for that.”_

_“What?” Yuuri exclaimed, blushing deeply. “Of course I have flaws! I’m stubborn and I’m always an anxious mess and I make many mistakes and –”_

_Victor pressed a kiss to Yuuri’s nose. “Those aren’t flaws.”_

_“I…I’m a wild drunk who forgets everything the next day!” Yuuri blurted out._

_Victor frowned. “Yes, that’s unfortunate, but I’ve learned to live with it.”_

_They stared at each other in silence for several seconds and burst out laughing._

_Yuuri wrapped his arms around Victor. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” he asked, returning to the earlier topic of their conversation._

_Victor’s face took on a serious expression. “I’m never sure,” he confessed. “How can I be? Is anyone ever sure? I mean truly sure? I mean, sure, lots of people will claim they’re sure, but…” He trailed off and sighed._

_They watched their surroundings in silence, as if it was just a performance put on for their benefit. Students ran to class, other students walked the slow and thoughtful walk of people whose thoughts were elsewhere, professors strolled confidently down the pathways and a little ice cream cart made its way around campus with a pleasant robot inside, offering everyone refreshment. It was a peaceful and all-too-familiar sight._

_“Let’s go back,” Victor murmured into Yuuri’s ear and they left together…_

_How does one go about making an augmented human? No, it doesn’t just take sugar, spice and everything nice. It takes lots of supplies and little experiments. It takes making use of current technology and modifying it to a slightly different need. Sure, the technology for making humans already existed, but not for making humans with minds that hooked up into a time machine. More than that, thanks to a war two hundred years earlier, every created human had rights, same as every naturally-born human._

_They planned, made detailed diagrams and had long arguments over the right way to do this and to make that. It was hard to keep going, but at least they did. There was an end in sight as well as a glimmer of hope._

_It was getting late. Yuuri raised his head from the table and his eye fell on Victor who’d fallen asleep at a corner of the table. He smiled, fetched a blanket and walked up to Victor to drape it over him._

_Briefly he considered waking Victor up and convincing him to return home and sleep there properly, but he didn’t have the heart for it. His hand hesitated over Victor’s cheek before Yuuri brushed Victor’s hair gently to one side._

_Yuuri stepped away and his eye fell on the figure lying on the slab. Throwing a quick glance at Victor, he crossed the room and looked down at the figure._

_The sight might’ve scared some and unnerved others, but it made Yuuri give another gentle smile and then place both hands on the figure’s face. He couldn’t explain why, but he next leaned down and whispered, “No matter what happens, you’ll be safe. You’ll be looked after,” he promised._

He could feel Yuuri’s tender feelings for Victor and Victor’s passion for Yuuri. He could feel how the work wore them out. He could feel their hopes, their dreams, their…

…he could feel Yuuri’s hands on his face and hear him whisper as if he was right there by his ear.


	7. On the Nature of Space

“Yuuri?” He pulled his hands away and stared up into Mila’s worried face. “Yuuri, are you alright?”

He wasn’t Yuuri or Victor. He had no name, no home and no family. He didn’t belong anywhere. What was the point of going back to the future, if he had as much waiting for him there as he did here?

He remembered that there was someone in the room with him. It was better to pretend that everything was fine than to answer any more questions.

He tried to relax, doing his best to change his horrified expression to a calmer one.

“Should I… Do you want me to keep running tests?” she asked.

He nodded, not really sure what he was agreeing to, but ready to accept anything that might distract him from…

He didn’t belong anywhere.

Mila went through every test imaginable. At some point Sara joined her to check on her progress.

They were making a big mistake, he thought as both explorers puzzled over the readings. Space wasn’t exactly safe. Sure, this corner of the universe was mostly devoid of any kind of life, but that didn’t mean that it was a good idea to trust the computers to do all the monitoring for them, without having someone monitor them at all times.

“I’ve never seen or heard of anything like this before,” Sara admitted as she watched Mila conduct more tests.

“Maybe we can find an explanation both for Yuuri’s condition and the planet’s strange state,” Mila suggested.

He tried to think about the tests and the planet, but his mind kept returning to thoughts about the craft and how vulnerable it was to any outside threat. He did his best to focus on the conversation, but had no luck.

_Someone needs to monitor the ‘craft systems._

“If it’s from the planet, how does it spread? Is it just radiation, or is it also by touch?” Mila went on, thinking out loud.

He thought of Victor and Yuuri skating on the Dead World’s rings, of all those people who defied the Dead World with their competitions. Those people didn’t have any strange readings.

“No,” he said, “it’s something else.” _It’s something I have in common with the planet, but what does someone have in common with a planet?_

“Well, I’m all out of ideas,” Mila said. “Anyone? Yuuri? Sara?”

They looked at her.

He resisted the urge to tell her that his name wasn’t Yuuri. It would only lead to more questions. And, besides, he didn’t have any other name, so this name was as good as any other.

“I can’t think of anything else,” Sara admitted.

“I think,” he said, getting up, “we can’t leave the ship to fend for itself. We should set up shifts and take turns monitoring the space around us.” The words slipped out of him unbidden, but he didn’t take them back.

They exchanged a look. “Why?” Mila asked. “There’s no one out here but us. As soon as the computer picks up a signal an alarm will let us know.”

He wanted to grab her and give her a good shake. _You used to be in a military academy!_ He wanted to shout. _What happened to your training?_ But he couldn’t remember if they’d ever told him about their military training, or if he’d read about it, so he gave a little shake of his head.

“It just seems like it would be safer if someone stood guard.”

“Are you expecting someone?” Sara asked.

Again he considered the answer to this question. “No,” he said, still unsure if that was the truth or not. He wondered then why it kept on nagging at him. They’d been fine for the last few days, hadn’t they?

He needed some time alone to think and to sort through his memories. There were too many of them coming in at once and he was worried they’d overwhelm him, or worse – drive him insane.

“Look,” he said, sliding off the bed. “You’ve done all you could. I’m going to take a walk to stretch my legs and then we can talk some more about it.” He left the room before either of them could argue with that.

He was acting suspicious and he knew it, as if he had something to hide. Well, he _did_ have something to hide, didn’t he?

He stopped by one of the windows and looked out. There was no view of the Dead World on this side, only of Trésor.

Who’d called it that? Who’d decided that there was something precious about the planet? Or was it just a side effect of those myths that claimed that one day the Dead World would swallow up the little moon?

What was he supposed to do now? He’d been created for a purpose, but they’d also granted him a will of his own to decide if he wanted to do this or not. He remembered Yuuri’s curiosity and Victor’s desperate need to know and a dark smile appeared on his face.

_“You’ll be looked after.”_

The man’s voice echoed in his head, as if mocking him.

What a stupid promise! Where was all that protection now?

 

_Someone was making strange noises and it was some time before he recognized them for what they were – the person was singing._

_His eyes opened slowly._

_Now there were two people singing._

_He turned his head and saw two men moving slowly together as they sang, no, not moving – dancing. One man was a bit taller than the other and had impossibly light hair. He had one hand in other man’s and the other was resting on his partner’s shoulder. The shorter man stepped closer and gave his partner’s shoulder a brief kiss._

_What were they doing? Why were they doing it?_

_He sat up and glared at them. He was furious and really hungry as if he hadn’t eaten for a very long time and these two idiots were dancing as if they were at a party!_

_“Oy!” he exclaimed, making both of them turn to stare at him in surprise. “Are you going to dance all day long, or will you do something useful? I’m hungry and…” He lowered his eyes. “And I need some clothes.”_

_They ran to him (even though there was barely any distance to run) and showered him with their questions. How did he feel? What food did he want to eat? What clothes did he want to wear?_

_It got annoying fast._

_“Listen,” he snapped, “get me whatever and then I’ll decide, ok?”_

_Victor (he knew his name now) stepped back and grinned at Yuuri. “I think I know where to get us something to eat. Will you get him some clothes, please?”_

_They brought everything he asked for and listened to him talk, throwing looks at each other. They were like doting parents, he thought in disgust._

_“Look,” he said, pushing the remainder of the food away and rising to his feet, “I have… both of your memories.” He glared at them. “Why did you upload all your memories? Couldn’t you edit them, at least?”_

_The blood rose to their faces. They lowered their eyes, too embarrassed for words._

_He waited, but when it became obvious that there wasn’t going to be any sort of explanation he went on. “I know what I’m here for. I know what you two want from me.” He pushed his hair out of his face. “So why don’t you drop the pretence?”_

_Yuuri gave Victor an uncertain look. The newly-created person didn’t need to be able to read minds to know what he was thinking. This was Victor’s project._ He _was Victor’s project. His hands tightened into fists, but he said nothing._

_“Let’s go for ice cream,” Victor said._

_He rolled his eyes. “Are you trying to bribe me or something?”_

_“Who said anything about bribery?” Victor asked, an expression of genuine surprise on his face. “I want ice cream and I thought you wouldn’t mind coming along.”_

_“Fine.”_

_He followed them grudgingly out of the building. As they walked out a machine scanned their retinas and accepted the brand new scan without any alarms. Victor had granted him access to the lab, then._

_A wicked thought slipped into his mind. He could sneak into Victor’s lab and destroy everything and that would be the end of his big dream._

_He watched Victor lean on Yuuri’s arm and talk about ice cream flavours as if they were a recent scientific discovery and went on walking._

_Victor’s fly car took them to a little area that was walled off on all sides._

_A robot waiter asked them to stand in one of the black circles and they waited patiently until a glass ball tumbled slowly out of the sky and stopped at their feet. A door opened for them._

_Victor motioned for him to get on first, then Yuuri before finally following them inside. The door closed and the glass ball rose slowly into the sky to return to its orbit around the planet._

_A hologram of the menu appeared over the table, waiting patiently for them to make their choice._

_He left them to debate which desserts they wanted and ordered one at random, picking out the first name that caught his eye. Finally Victor and Yuuri decided to try the only two desserts they hadn’t had yet from the menu._

_Ten seconds after they made their choices their orders arrived._

_“Try a bit of mine,” Victor offered to Yuuri, holding out a spoonful after barely taking a bite himself._

_He turned away. Why did they come here? What was the point? Victor had worked many years for this. Why was he wasting time now? Was he stalling for time in case it turned out that his method wouldn’t work?_

_He risked a look at them only to discover that now Yuuri was spoon-feeding Victor._

_Disgusting._

_He stuck a spoonful into his mouth and ate it. At least the dessert was good._

_They floated over the city and watched the artificial atmosphere simulate a beautiful sunset before switching to a real time view of the sky._

_Yuuri and Victor stopped eating and watched the Dead World float by in silence._

_Ten seconds passed… eleven… fifteen… twenty…_

_“This is a very good dessert,” Yuuri said, as if it was suddenly very important._

_That was the final straw. He jumped to his feet in frustration. “Are you mad?” he fumed. “Or did you suddenly decide that your work isn’t important?” He put a hand to his chest. “You made me to answer your question, so why don’t you get to it already?”_

_Yuuri and Victor exchanged embarrassed looks._

_“Did you…?” Yuuri began._

_Victor raised both hands. “I didn’t. I promise I didn’t!”_

_“What are you two going on about?” he narrowed his eyes at them._

_“Why don’t you sit down?” Victor suggested and waited patiently until he did so before continuing. “I admit that I expected you to develop a personality of your own. I just didn’t think it would be so…”_

_“…angry,” Yuuri finished for him, seeing Victor struggle for the right word._

_Victor nodded. Then he did something truly terrible: he slid closer and put a hand around him. “I can’t send you off just yet.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“Because Yuuri and I have grown fond of you while we worked on you.” Yuuri moved to sit on his other side and nodded in agreement. “We can’t just hook you up to the machine, not without getting to know you a little.”_

_“Worried something will happen to me?” he asked, doing his best to hide how much Victor’s words touched him._

_“We’ve conducted enough experiments to show that it should be safe,” Victor told him even though he knew that already. “Of course, there is still some risk involved.”_

_He rolled his eyes. There was always some amount of risk. Everyone knew that._

_Yuuri put a hand through his hair and he wanted to push him away, but for some reason he just couldn’t. So he let them fawn over him._

_Once they finished their dessert they went down to the campus. Both scientists showed him around as if he was preparing to enrol there. Victor and Yuuri told stories about their time at the TU, as if forgetting that he could remember them very well himself._

_Why were they doing it? It just made no sense._

_A day went by, two and then a whole week. He was starting to get really impatient, but he watched them knowing that he couldn’t complain._

_Yuuri and Victor were acting like two people who’d suddenly remembered that there was life out there and they were determined to live it. There were long walks in the mornings, afternoons and evenings. There were dates and just plain exploration trips. They discovered places they never knew existed (like the little shop in the Underwave or the artificial lake that changed the colour of its water depending on its temperature)._

_They spoiled him, buying him gifts, treating him in different ways and he let them._

_It was hard to stay mad at them. How could anyone stay mad at a pair of idiots like them? Yuuri was kind and attentive while Victor acted like a clueless fool, but every once in a while he’d do something that showed that he too cared and watched. And he…_

That was his first proper memory, his _own_ memory, not someone else’s. Why hadn’t it come to him first?

All those memories, all those feelings, none of them were actually his. He had the memory of Victor and Yuuri’s love for each other, but he was his own person, even with the memories of two other people inside him. He hadn’t actually lived through those experiences (no matter how vivid the memories were). So what did _he_ want? What did he feel?

What did it matter to _him_ if the Dead World was a mystery? Hadn’t Victor said that it was his choice if he wanted to investigate this mystery or not?

But then didn’t he owe it to them to find out and to make sure they did too?

After all they’d done for him what had he done in return?

 _Yes,_ he thought, _they did, but why didn’t they at least give me a name?_

_“We need a name for you,” Victor said that first evening. “We can’t just keep calling you “you”. Do you want to pick a name for yourself?”_

_He felt them both stare at him and blushed ever so slightly. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Why don’t you pick a name for me?”_

_They exchanged a look._

_“We’ll go through a list of names together,” Yuuri promised._

_And they did. In fact, they spent half the next day going through them, but he didn’t like any of the names they offered him._

_“Forget it,” he told them, turning away from a hologram of the list. “Just forget it.” And then another thought occurred to him, “Didn’t you have a name for me while you worked on me?”_

_Now it was Victor’s turn to look faintly embarrassed. “No.”_

_They didn’t bring the subject up after that._

He walked all the way back to his room, but instead of lying down on his bed or studying his suit (like he’d done so many times before), he paced from one side of the room to the other.

Again he felt angry, so angry. He was angry they’d made him, angry they couldn’t find an easier way to solve the mystery, angry that he was stuck here.

But _how_ did he get here? All that time wasting aside, he’d done it – he’d actually gone back in time. Now here he was, stuck without a way to go back. What was the point in a one-way trip in time?

His mind was overflowing with questions, ready to burst.

And then he had an inkling, a little feeling in the back of his mind, like a little itch, that made him feel as though he almost had it.

No, he knew all the answers. It was just a matter of remembering them.

A loud alarm cut into his thoughts, startling him.

“Warning! Collision imminent! Collision imminent!”

He didn’t waste his time deliberating what to do next and dashed for the bridge.

Around him the announcing system went on repeating its message as if really enjoying it.

The doors of the bridge opened up ahead and he increased his speed. “Collision?” He repeated. “Collision with what?”

“The planet.”


	8. An Infinite Number of Roads

He turned at the sound of that voice. Mila and Sara stood by the instruments with calm expressions on their faces as if they’d already resigned themselves to this fate.

“Activate the thrusters, then!” he stormed. “Get us out of here! Why isn’t the computer doing that?”

Mila had her fingers on a hologram of the controls. “That’s what I’m doing, but there’s a fault with one of the engines.”

“So that’s it?” he exclaimed. “You’ve given up? Someone needs to go fix the engine!”

Mila and Sara exchanged a look. “We don’t know enough about the engines to try to fix them.”

His blood ran cold as he realized that neither did he. “And doesn’t the computer suggest what we should do?”

Sara gave a wry smile. “It’s does. It’s telling us to have an engine inspection.”

“I don’t believe this! I can’t just die like this!”

The women were silent. Sara was going through the instrument readings on her side.

 _You can’t die here!_ he protested mentally. _You have to report your discovery!_

“Well,” Sara said with just the hint of sarcasm in her voice. “I’m sure it will make everyone feel better to learn that the report of our discovery reached Galactic Explorers.”

A long silence followed those words and then he asked in a very careful tone of voice. “What did you say about me?”

Sara’s eyes met his. “Nothing. I sent this report before we found you. All they know is that we found a strange planet that doesn’t make sense.”

So history was still unchanged.

He realized with a pang of fear that he could no longer remember if they returned home alive or not.

“I’ll go through the manual and schematics,” Mila declared. “Then I’ll look inside the engine. Maybe I can figure out how to fix it.”

“Are you mad?” Sara exclaimed. “You can kill yourself in there!”

“We’re about to crash into the planet and die anyway,” Mila pointed out coolly. “If I have to die to save you two –”

“Wait,” he cut her off. “Quiet.”

“What –”

“Just don’t say anything for five seconds, ok?”

They responded with two frustrated looks, but didn’t say a word.

He had it. The solution was there and it slipped away again. He bit his lip angrily.

“Collision with the planet in 3 hours, 15 minutes and 45 seconds,” the computer announced, breaking the silence.

“Right,” Mila said. “I’m going.”

He caught her by the arm. “Don’t go. There’s another way.”

He saw himself and then he saw the ship going, moving and… disappearing to reappear somewhere else.

“What other way?” Mila demanded.

“I…” He blinked, but, again, the image melted away.

They were both giving him pitying looks. For the first time he was all too aware of how they saw him: a teenager, a mere _child_ , and he wondered how they’d ever believed his story.

Mila smiled at him. “Don’t worry. I won’t go down without a fight.”

“I’d rather you didn’t go down at all,” Sara admitted and he nodded in agreement.

“It’s the only way,” Mila insisted.

“It’s not!” he exclaimed.

“Well, if you have any bright ideas, then why don’t you tell me?” Mila demanded.

He closed his eyes and tried to picture it, whatever it was.

He couldn’t help feeling as if he was picking up a faint signal that was getting stronger with every second. For some reason he was convinced that it was coming from the planet itself. The whole thing was sending brief images to him, trying to show him something, but he hadn’t received enough to understand what it was.

 

_A thousand paths, splitting up over and over again, a thousand possibilities…_

They were _his_ paths and _his_ possibilities. He had no time to explore every single one, so instead he picked out the one that was calling out to him and followed.

“Collision with the planet in 2 hours and 39 seconds,” the computer announced.

Mila and Sara exchanged a terrified look. Barely any time had gone by since the previous announcement.

“The navigation systems must be malfunctioning,” Sara said softly.

“We don’t have time to argue,” Mila pointed.

Time. He ran back to his room, without even bothering to explain what he was doing, just shouting at them over his shoulder to stay where they were. He went as fast as he could, as panic set in, making his insides turn. As soon as he was back in his room he got his suit out of storage and studied it closely.

Of course! Why hadn’t he realized it before? He hadn’t walked around in Trésor in any life support suit, but the interface Victor and Yuuri had spent several years developing. It was meant to travel with him and to take him back when he found the answers he was looking for.

 

_Yuuri pulled up a hologram of the controls and navigated through them as Victor helped him put the suit on. He did most of it himself, of course, but Victor helped with the sleeves, leaning close and explaining softly what each control did, even though the memories of them all were there in his head._

_“When you want to come back here,” he said, “all you need to say is…” he grinned, “…there’s no place like home.”_

_He nodded, doing his best to keep the expression on his face carefully neutral. This was no time to get irritated by Victor’s mad antics. Later he would tell him what exactly he thought about people who programmed phrases from children’s fairy tales into the most advanced piece of technology available. If anything, it made the command easy to remember._

_“You haven’t changed your mind, have you?” he heard Yuuri ask. He didn’t need to look at him to hear and feel the worry the man radiated._

_“I’ll be fine,” he told them, rolling his eyes._

_“Alright,” Yuuri said. “Are you two ready?”_

_Victor backed away from him._

_They had a special set up in the lab – a kind of metal gate where he was supposed to stand to access the computers as well as the power source. He walked over to the gate now, stepping inside it and closing his eyes._

_“Suit online,” the suit told him and he gave a little nod._

_A soft humming filled the air. The gate was sending data through now. They started him off with little bits and pieces – words, phrases – before moving on to pictures. He concentrated all his thoughts on what they were sending through and gave a short description of each message they sent._

_Slowly they worked their way to the most important part. The connection definitely established, it was time to send the real message._

_“Good luck,” Yuuri whispered._

_He didn’t open his eyes, but for some reason he just knew they were standing next to each other, holding one another for support._

_Silence._

_And then the numbers began to pour into his mind, dancing around as if to mock him, but he didn’t let that distract them._

_His eyes snapped open on their own, but he didn’t see the room, all he saw were the numbers and how they arranged themselves into the laws that governed the universe._

_Mass_

_Energy_

_Momentum_

_Time_

_A kind of map appeared before his eyes – a billion, billion lines criss-crossing, spreading out in all available directions, splitting off, some circling back, some joining and some – going on their own to split up again._

_Time. It was a map of timelines for every decision a person could make. More than that, it was_ his _timeline._

_Everything that could possibly be – he could see it all now. He saw a billion of his own futures, some pleasant – others miserable._

Focus, I have to focus, _he told himself._ Where do I start?

_How far back was he supposed to travel to get to where he needed to go?_

_He tried to focus on the past, tried to travel back down the timelines, but the future kept distracting him._

_What would his life be like once they got their answer? Would he be nothing more than a curiosity, an ongoing experiment?_

_He saw himself picked apart and studied. He saw scientists gathering from around the universe to prod him with questions. “What is Time? How does it work? What is it made from?”_

_And he fled._

_His mind found pathways to other machines, did the necessary calculations and he jumped._

_He leapt through time and space to end up here, in the past where they couldn’t get to him._

He’d miscalculated. Or rather, he hadn’t calculated, he’d just run blindly and he didn’t even run far enough.

_“All that knowledge, all those super abilities, surely they’re enough to drive someone insane!” Yuuri protested in that motherly way of his._

_“Ah, well, that’s the clever part – when he’s out of the interface, or when it’s not activated he won’t know any of it,” Victor declared, sounding proud of himself. “That is: he’ll have a vague memory of something, but he won’t actually_ know _.”_

_“And you don’t think that is worse than knowing?”_

_Victor looked taken aback at this idea. “Why? He’ll have a general idea of what he’s missing and he’ll know how to get it back and –”_

“No,” he whispered, “it’s worse than that – as soon as I jump the data wipe, or whatever it is, takes all my memories.”

But a temporary amnesia was a small price to pay for his life. Except that he couldn’t just jump forward or backward: he had to do something to save Mila and Sara. History or not, he couldn’t let the people who’d saved him die. It wasn’t fair.

But how?

Easy. He could move in time as well as in space. Before, he’d jumped only in time. This time he would move only in space.

This meant not using the recall function, but making another trip. That still left one problem: how could he take all of them if the interface was built only for one?

He didn’t have time to mull this over now. He had to rush back and prepare for the jump and hope that he would find a way. The navigation equipment was giving errors, but they didn’t have a lot of time left before they crashed down to the surface.

He pulled his suit on as quickly as he could, grabbed the helmet and ran out of his room.

Unfortunately, he didn’t get far: Sara and Mila were standing outside his room.

“So hungry…” Mila whispered.

The two women he’d left were young and full of energy and it was hard to believe that before him were the same two people. But there was no one else on the ‘craft, he was sure of it. The two explorers were more like shadows of themselves. There were dark circles under their eyes and their faces were a lot thinner.

“What happened to you?” he asked, backing away into his room.

“Nothing. Nothing happened to us. You didn’t come. We waited for you like you told us to, but you never came,” Mila answered. It was hard to understand what she was saying. For some reason she had trouble moving her tongue. He avoided looking at her too closely to find out why.

“We should’ve never trusted you,” Sara said in the same terrifying voice.

 _Did I fall asleep? Am I dreaming?_ he wondered.

He backed up into his room and closed the door, pressing the button to lock it.

For some reason they didn’t try to force the door open and didn’t demand he let them in. He’d expected them to bang on the door and to shout at him. He hadn’t expected the complete silence that had followed. In a way, it was even more terrifying than what they looked like.

_Maybe they know it’s just a waste of effort. I have to leave my room eventually and this is the only way out._

He looked around for exits, but there were no handy ventilation ducts, no signs of secret passages, nothing.

He opened the door again, dreading what he would see.

The hall was empty.

Very carefully, throwing looks left and right, he stepped out into the hall. It was quiet. He made his way towards the bridge as soundlessly as he could.

The silence was making him tremble in fear.

The sound of a loud argument broke in, startling him. He recognized their voices and caught a few words that didn’t make any sense.

He tiptoed to the next turn and peered around the corner, ready to run back as soon as he felt threatened.

But the sounds stopped and there was no one in the corridor.

He could _taste_ Time. It was an odd sensation and it made no sense when he thought about it, but he was sure of it. He wasn’t going mad.

He turned around another corner and saw a figure sitting on the floor. He approached it slowly. It looked like a corpse dressed in rags. The corpse had bright red hair.

He bolted down the hall past it, praying that he wouldn’t run into anyone else.

Up ahead of him the door to the bridge opened to let him in and he didn’t dare slow down until he was finally inside.

“Minus 25 seconds remaining!” the computer announced as soon as he arrived. He stopped and his eyes took in his surroundings.

Mila and Sara were both on the bridge, alive and well. They turned at the sound of him approaching.

“What are you –” Sara began. “Why are you in your suit?”

He didn’t answer her. He didn’t have time to and, besides, the image of the red-headed corpse was still too fresh in his mind. He didn’t dare think about the second corpse.

Instead, he walked over to one of the panels, opened it and pulled out a wire with a port on the end of it that he attached to his suit.

“Yuuri, what –”

He raised his hand for silence. “Suit,” he called out, “redefine size parameters.”

“Enter new size parameters,” the suit requested.

He gave Mila a look and she scrambled around to pull up a hologram with the basic parameters of the ‘craft.

He walked over to it and read the dimensions out loud.

“New size set,” the suit told him.

He gave a satisfied nod.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Sara demanded, but Mila shushed her.

He drew a breath in slowly and then turned to look at them. “I’m about to drain your engines,” he warned, “but I will do my best to get you as close to home as possible. I won’t remember anything when we get there so you have to listen to what I tell you now.”

They stepped up to him.

“I need to get more oxygen for my suit,” he began. “Promise me to make sure I do before I go anywhere else.”

They nodded.

“Good. Don’t take this suit apart. Don’t try to understand how it works, just order it to collect as much oxygen as it can, if we end up on a planet with an atmosphere.” He waited for them to show they understood before continuing. “Don’t tell anyone about me. Just keep me safe, got it? If I start babbling nonsense, then ignore it. And…” He stopped to think.

“55 seconds until collision!” the computer announced, now counting up by the looks of it.

“When I wake up, I want you to say…” He considered what to suggest and settled for something simple, “… “Time”. Just that, got it?”

He hoped it would help trigger some memories. In any case, it was worth a shot.

He put his helmet on. “Online,” he ordered and the interface became active, drawing power from the ship. “Pull up the equations from before. Give me the most up-to-date map of this sector of space.”

He closed his eyes and again he saw the universe arrange itself neatly into numbers and equations.

Time… _Time_!

He thought hard about moving only in space and then hoped there was enough power in the engines for this trip.

But what about the Dead World? What about his mission here?

 _I’ll have to come back later, or… earlier,_ he thought.

A road appeared before him, stretching out ahead. He stepped out onto it. His last thought before the jump was the realization that while his suit had come equipped to survive time travel, the spaceship hadn’t.

The universe bent around them…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now have more than 1 million words of fic on ao3!! I don't know if I should be proud or embarrassed of that fact. (And I wrote it all in less than 2 years too...)
> 
> I wonder how many words of fic I've written in total, because I have a lot that I never posted here (and never will)...
> 
> Anyway, 2 more chapters left!


	9. The Nurse

He was so warm and comfortable. He lay on something soft. Someone sang a little to the left of him and there was the smell of something sweet in the air.

He opened his eyes and sat up. He was in a room with a bed and a window and nothing else.

He got up slowly, clumsily and stared down at his bare feet, that the white robes were too short to cover.

Who was he? Where was he?

He made for the window, his bare feet sinking in a thick carpet. There was a dense forest outside. It was so tall he could barely see the sky above. That was the source of all the singing. It wasn’t just singing, however, but screaming too.

He smiled.

A door behind him opened and he spun around to see a man come in with a tray in his hands. He wore simple dark-coloured clothes. His hair was cut short and there was a serious expression on his face. Something about him said “nurse” and he radiated a sense of security.

“You’re awake,” the newcomer said simply and set the tray down on the bed.

He took a little device out of his pocket and pressed a few buttons on it before putting it away again.

“Your friends will be here soon,” he promised.

“Friends?” he echoed, wondering who they were. His mind was a complete and utter blank. He couldn’t even remember _who_ he was, let alone that he had friends or how many of them were there. How could he possibly talk to them?

“They said that you will probably not remember anything,” the nurse went on.

“Oh good.” He couldn’t help being sarcastic. Maybe the presence of someone who knew what was going on was supposed to help him relax, but he just found it annoying.

“Don’t let it worry you,” the nurse went on. “You will remember everything eventually. We’ll start with your name and –”

“Yuuri!” a red-headed woman called out, running in with another one right behind her.

He stared at them. There was something familiar about the two women. Where had he seen them before?

“Oh Yuuri!” the red-headed woman exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. “We were getting so worried about you!”

“Oy! Get off me!” he shot back. “Who the hell are you two anyway?”

“You don’t remember?” she asked, stepping away from him. “Of course! You said you wouldn’t!” She exchanged a look with her companion. “Time, Yuuri! Remember?”

He stared at her. “What about time?”

The other woman burst out laughing. “I knew it wouldn’t work!”

He turned away. They were really irritating him. He wished they would leave already.

Where had he seen them before? He was almost certain that they weren’t really his friends, but still he couldn’t remember who they were to him.

“Let’s go,” the dark-haired woman suggested. “We’ll leave Yuuri to recover and talk to him when his memories return. Come on, Mila.”

“But, Sara!” Mila began to protest.

He closed his eyes. _Mila Babicheva and Sara Crispino…_ Why could he remember their names?

“Fine! Fine!” Mila grumbled and they left.

He turned around and saw that the nurse was still there – sitting on a corner of his bed as if he was patiently waiting for something.

_Let him wait, if he wants to,_ he thought in frustration. _What does it have to do with me?_

But he didn’t stand at the window for long and returned to the bed to sit back down on it.

“My name is Otabek Altin,” the nurse said.

He didn’t shout “I don’t care what your name is”, although the temptation was there. Instead he waited to hear what else Otabek would say.

“Mila told me you rescued her and Sara from crashing down onto a dead world.”

 

_A dead world loomed in the sky as life continued below. Hundreds of ‘craft flew through the air, people rushed around…_

He felt arms catch him and stared up into that serious face. “You almost fell,” Otabek explained.

He pulled free while still staying on the bed.

“I brought you food,” Otabek said after a short pause, as if only just remembering about his tray. “You need to eat to restore your strength.”

He didn’t argue, merely accepted the food with a single nod. “What is this place?” he asked.

“This is Rouge,” Otabek answered.

He thought of the red sky and the thick forest. The name sounded vaguely familiar, but no more than that. It didn’t bring images of his whole life to mind or anything like that. It was just a name and a feeling and nothing more.

All conversation topics apparently exhausted, he started to eat.

“This is a hospital,” Otabek said after a long pause. “We put you in a separate room and only ran the basic tests on you, as you requested.”

He froze with the fork raised halfway to his mouth.

“Your suit is in storage,” Otabek added. “You can have it back when you are ready to leave.”

Why did he ask for only basic tests? What suit was Otabek talking about?

“Have I triggered any memories?” Otabek asked. The nurse was watching him closely the whole time and it was really unnerving.

“No,” he said and continued to eat.

“Do you want me to help you remember?” Otabek offered.

He looked at the nurse. His expression wasn’t easy to read: there was just the hint of concern there, but – perhaps it was just his imagination?

“If you want,” he said noncommittally.

“It is my job to help you,” Otabek told him. “However, your wish is more important in this case.”

“Right,” he said. “Good.” He saw Otabek waiting expectantly for his answer and nodded. “I _want_ to remember.”

He expected a lot of questions, but after several basic ones about his name and home Otabek ended it all with, “You must be tired.”

“You’re not going to tell me to sleep, are you?” he demanded. “I’ve been asleep for so long, why would I want to sleep now?”

For a moment Otabek was silent. Then he said, “A walk, then?”

He didn’t argue with that. Otabek brought him clothes to change into and they went out together for a stroll.

He thought they would head out into the forest, but found to his great surprise that there was no forest on the other side of the building. Instead, they followed a path through rolling hills of purple grass with not a single tree in sight.

Otabek told him a little about the planet, as if he understood that normally people would talk about something while out on a walk together and this was the only topic he could think of, but after he dropped a few facts he stopped talking.

The patient (he wasn’t sure if that was an accurate description or not) wondered if he, himself, was expected to say something at this point, but nothing came to mind and he remained silent instead.

“We have a zoo here,” Otabek said. “Would you like to go see it?”

He agreed while trying to remember just what a zoo _was_.

He soon discovered that a zoo was nothing more than a place where many animals were kept. Each animal had their own enclosure to keep them separate from the others. Visitors went down walkways made of strong glass, stopping to study the animals below, to the side of and above them.

He marvelled at all the creatures that inhabited the depths of the sea, at all the colourful birds and big mammals, but there was one animal that delighted him more than all the others. It had four legs, a long tail and striped fur. It was beautiful.

“Tigers aren’t native to Rouge,” Otabek told him.

He tore his gaze away, prepared to argue that tigers were the absolute best animals in the entire universe,  but Otabek didn’t add anything to that and he returned to admiring the way the tiger walked back and forth in his enclosure.

“We can return here every day, if you like,” Otabek offered.

He gave a little nod. Maybe it was odd to get this interested in an animal, but he didn’t care.

They did return every day for a whole week. Every morning Otabek arrived at his room to take him to the zoo and every evening he brought him back.

At the end of the week he brought up the memories again.

“I want to remember my life before this,” he said, his eyes fixed on the tiger, “I feel like a big part of me is missing and I can’t decide what to do until I know. I keep trying to remember, but my mind is a complete blank.”

“I will do my best to help you,” Otabek promised. “We can start with the suit,” he suggested. “When we get back I will get it for you.”

He nodded.

“I also have the pictures Mila and Sara took of the moon where they found you and the planet it orbits,” he offered.

Otabek produced a little device and showed him an image of a white hill that looked familiar.

“That’s The Wave!” he exclaimed. “It’s on Trésor, where…” The information poured out of him then, one memory after another, triggering tangential memories until he got a disorganized jumble. There were his memories of wandering alone on the moon’s surface as well as the memories of two people falling in love and working on a strange project.

Otabek listened patiently, not interrupting even once.

He went on, getting all the words out, afraid that if he stopped so would all the memories.

The sky grew dark and Otabek took him back to his room, but he went on, telling the nurse everything he could remember. They stayed up all night until the early morning when, at least, the memories seemed to have run out.

“Rest now,” Otabek said. “We can talk about –”

He grabbed Otabek by the arms. “Rest? How can I rest now?” He stared into Otabek’s face. Too late it occurred to him that maybe telling him everything wasn’t such a good idea.

Would he think he was mad? Would he lock him up here and try to see how his brain worked? He remembered then why he’d asked for them to put him somewhere discreet.

Otabek’s face remained calm and illegible. “You must be tired. I can give you something to calm you down, if it helps.”

He let go of Otabek and backed away. “I don’t need it.”

The nurse watched him carefully. What was going on behind that face? What was he thinking? “Would you prefer it if I stayed here?” he offered.

His brain raced, full of suspicions. If Otabek stayed, he could still leave partway through the night and tell someone. Maybe he’d already told someone. Maybe there were cameras in this room recording his every word, every movement. Maybe they’d run tests on him. How would he ever know?

“I’ll leave, if you’d rather be alone,” Otabek said.

“Stay here,” he said and it wasn’t so much a request as a demand.

Otabek nodded. He pushed a button on the wall and a chair rose out of the floor. He sat down in it, looking like someone prepared to spend several hours in one place. He closed his eyes.

It was a little unnerving, but what could anyone do at a moment like this?

He changed his clothes and slipped under his blanket, convinced that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep anyway. Instead he would sit in his spot and watch Otabek to make sure that the man wouldn’t run away somewhere.

But there was something calming about the sight of Otabek sleeping and he found his eyelids getting heaver and heavier. His head dropped back onto the pillow and he drifted off.

 

He woke up with a start and threw a terrified look at the chair in the corner.

Otabek slept on, his face as calm as ever as if he was sleeping in a big comfortable bed and not chair in someone else’s room.

He slipped out of the bed and walked across the room towards him. He stopped a few steps away and reached out, drawn to the man as if by a magnet. His fingers were mere centimetres away from his cheek when he snatched his hand away.

Otabek slept on.

He returned to his bed and sat down.

Time ticked away and his mind was full of so many questions, but none of them mattered. In that moment, in that instant, he was perfectly happy to sit still and watch Otabek sleep.

 

He didn’t remember everything in that first memory burst, but he remembered enough of the important details to be content to wait for the rest to return to him gradually over time while he thought about what he would do next.

When Otabek awoke they ate and headed out again. This time they didn’t go to the zoo.

“Do you have cafés on Rouge?” he asked, the memories of all those trips through the sky rising in his mind.

“Cafés?” Otabek repeated as if the word was new to him.

“You know… where they serve ice cream and…” he lowered his eyes, feeling foolish.

“We have ice cream parlours.” There was just a hint of a question in his tone and the patient found himself nodding, as if it had actually been asked.

Ice cream parlours on Rouge were nothing like the cafés on Trésor. For a start, they weren’t up in the sky and they didn’t give anyone the chance to be alone with their companion. They also stayed still. In some ways, he couldn’t help feeling as if they were a bit of a disappointment: there were lots of little tables with even more chairs and tired-looking waiters walked around, bringing the ice cream they selected from a screen at the table.

Before he knew how it happened, he was describing the cafés on Trésor in great detail and with lots of enthusiasm.

Otabek listened, his chin resting on his hand.

The next day he discovered that there was a beach on Rouge.

Rouge was unique in its own way, but, then again, that could be said of so many planets in the universe. When the sun set and the light fell in just the right way over the sea, the water took on a shade of red not found anywhere else. Several moments later fish rose to the surface and sang in voices that on other planets belonged to birds. The whole planet would bask in the sheer joy of being alive.

They sat out on the sand, listening to the music around them.

He closed his eyes and thought of the Dead World, unable to shake the feeling that if he looked up, there it would be – looming in the sky like some sort of warning and watching them.

_“No matter what happens, you’ll be safe. You’ll be looked after.”_

He pulled his knees up, wrapped his arms around his legs and pressed his face against his knees.

 

_Yuuri sang softly, holding both of Victor’s hands in his own. They turned to the tune, their movements slow and almost hypnotic._

_Light fell in from the window, casting a warm glow around both of their figures._

_They were both tired after working for so many hours, but for some reason this didn’t stop them from dancing on. The dance was important._

“I have to go back,” he whispered. “I need to find the answer they were looking for and I need to tell them what it is.”

He didn’t _have to_. They hadn’t programmed it into him, granting him free will. No, he definitely didn’t have to and he was sure of this. He merely wanted to know for himself. Every night on Rouge the same questions would come to torment him over and over again and he knew that if he didn’t find the answers, he would go insane. And, if he was entirely honest with himself, he wanted to see them again.

It was a foolish wish, he knew, but he could do it. He could go back in time, investigate and then go to the future and see them again.

“I want to come with you,” Otabek declared.

He stared at him. “What? Are you insane? It’s dangerous. You could die. You might never return home. You’ll never see your family or friends again.”

“I understand,” Otabek said and left it at that.

He stared at Otabek with his mouth slightly open. Was he serious? But he was Otabek, which meant that he couldn’t be anything other than serious.

And what could he say anyway? He couldn’t turn Otabek down, not over something like this.

“You lose your memories after you travel,” Otabek reminded him. “I can remember everything for you that way you won’t lose time.”

It made sense. Of course it did. When did Otabek suggest something that didn’t?

He tried to argue, but it was a half-hearted attempt and Otabek barely said anything in return, as if he knew that he didn’t need to try.

 

That night when he lay in his bed he felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. He turned over and buried his grin in his pillow, as if afraid that someone would see him.

He was so happy!

He closed his eyes and tried to calm down, but all he could think about was how happy Otabek’s decision made him.

He didn’t have to go alone. He didn’t have to make decisions with half his memories missing. This time he would arrive with someone who would help him remember what his mission was.

He remembered then about Mila and Sara. Otabek had told him that the two explorers came every day to ask how he was doing. He could hear the words that went unspoken every time he said this. “They want to see you.”

But he didn’t have time for that now. Perhaps, later, once he found his answer he would come back to see them again, but not now. He had more important things to worry about.

The next morning when Otabek came he repeated his warnings and watched Otabek nod in return.

“Do you still want to come with me?” he asked.

“Yes,” Otabek said.

Not a hint of doubt appeared on his face, not a single muscle moved to suggest he was anxious about or afraid of anything.

“Then we’ll go together,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left!


	10. The Importance of a Name

There is an old tale on Alpha-alpha-34-beta about a fisherman.

On the first day he arrived at the sea and cast his net into the water. When he pulled them out he found that something had damaged the net.

He made a new net and cast it into a different part of the sea. But, again, the net came up empty and damaged.

He made a double net and cast it into the sea. And for a third time all he got was a torn net.

Then he got angry. He made a complicated net, full of traps. Where it looked like there was a safe passage in the net it looped around on itself cutting off all means of escape. It was a devious net. More than that, he’d spent so long making it that it acquired a mind of its own and changed when it felt its prey found a way to leave, blocking off this new path.

Satisfied with his handiwork, he took the net to the sea and cast it in the water again.

This time he found himself in the water with the net. No matter which way he went, the net barred his way until he was completely tangled in its folds, unable to move.

The net had done its job and captured its prey.

For decades the story puzzled historians. There were no seas, or fish or fishermen on Alpha-alpha-34-beta. No one on Alpha-alpha-34-beta knew how to make nets and there was no history of anyone ever making nets. Where had the story come from then? No solution presented itself to this dilemma and so the origin of the story remained a mystery.

But, still, the inhabitants of Alpha-alpha-34-beta repeated the story to anyone who would listen to them from their children to the visitors of the planet and the story of the fisherman’s net was added to the myths and legends of a world that had neither fishermen nor nets.

 

How does anyone go about travelling to a time before an event happened if they don’t even know when it did?

It was like walking down a street of houses with a blindfold on while trying to find which is your friend’s house. You might walk into a fence, or might end up right on someone’s doorstep, but it’s difficult to work out if the house is indeed the one that belongs to your friend. And, of course, another question soon occurs to you: does your friend live on this street at all, or did you accidentally walk onto the wrong street?

They jumped further and further into the past, stopping to see how the planet was, to take a few readings and for Otabek to remind him of their mission.

The Dead World remained the same as always – cold, dead and inexplicable.

What was he hoping to see? What could he possibly see?

 

A darkness full of little pinpricks of light surrounded him. In the distance something shone brighter than the other stars around him. There was no firm, reassuring ground under his back or below his feet.

He was floating through space!

He panicked, but something held him tightly in place.

He turned his head and saw a man in a suit right at his side. He could just make out the serious expression on the man’s face through the glass of his helmet. There was something familiar about him, but for some reason he couldn’t remember who the man was.

With a pang of fear he realized that he couldn’t remember who _he_ himself was.

“We’re on a mission to study the planet before you,” the man said through the communications system of the suit.

Why were they floating around it, then? Why not land on it? And why couldn’t he remember anything?

“You took us here,” the man went on, “and lost your memories as a result. You will remember everything soon.” The voice was calm and he found himself relaxing at the sound of it. He breathed slower, steadier. Everything was fine. It was under control.

Then he looked at the planet. There was something odd about it. He couldn’t quite place his finger on what it was exactly, but it was making him feel uneasy.

“My readings show no change from the previous state,” the man told him. “We can go back again.”

Back? Back where?

“Back in time, I mean.”

Time.

Images flashed before his eyes: a frozen wave, hundreds of flying ‘craft, two people dancing together, glass spheres floating through the sky with people inside, a hospital, an animal with striped fur and a long tail, a dead world…

“The planet’s gravity is pulling us in,” the man said. There was no panic in his voice, as if he found the fact interesting and thought he’d share it with him, as if plummeting down to their deaths was no big deal.

 _I miscalculated,_ he realized. _I should’ve landed us somewhere safe._

“The surface of the moon is a better landing site,” the man pointed out, as if he’d read his mind.

He turned and saw the moon – white, cold and completely lifeless. How could anything living ever hope to survive on its surface? And, still, he would have to do his best to land there next time. But how?

He couldn’t remember _how_ he’d travelled here in the first place, or where they’d started from.

“Don’t forget to take me with you,” the man said.

It was an odd thing to say: how could he forget to…

And then he had it. “Suit online. Pull up equations and map.”…

 

…He lay on a barren wasteland. There was nothing as far as he could see, but he wasn’t alone: a person in a suit lay next to him.

He sat up and looked at the suited figure. Was he unconscious? Was he asleep? His suit looked really battered, as if he’d sat under a downpour of big boulders.

“Hey,” he said and shook the person.

They moved a little and sat up.

“Where are we?” he asked and felt embarrassed, but, oh well, there was no way around it now. “I can’t remember anything,” he admitted.

The person in the suit was calm. “We’re on a moon orbiting a dead world. I’m not sure how far back we travelled, but we went back in time.”

“Oh.” Try as he might, he couldn’t remember anything. His mind was a complete blank.

“We’ve made fifty-four jumps already,” the person added. He raised his hand and looked at his suit. “At this rate of wear, I’m not sure my suit can withstand more than another two jumps, especially if we end up close to the planet again. That last one was a really close call.”

“Close call?” he repeated.

“Yes. We were crashing into the planet again and you took us away. Do you remember anything?” the person asked.

“Nothing,” he said.

“What about time travel? Do you remember anything about it?”

He shook his head. Time travel? It sounded neat, but he found it hard to believe that they’d really done it. Had they travelled back in time before this planet was inhabited?

“What about the name Trésor?” the person persisted.

“Never heard of it,” he admitted. Was it important? Was he supposed to know what it was?

“What about the Dead World? Rouge? HA-setsu?” the person listed off.

“What are all of those?” he asked. “Are we on the Dead World?”

“No,” the person said and rose to his feet, “but we almost were.” He held out his arms and helped him to his feet. “What about Yuuri and Victor?”

“Who are they?” he asked. “Were they here with us?” He panicked. Did they lose people from their party that he completely forgot about? Why was his memory gone?

The person stared at him in silence for a long time. “Do none of those sound familiar? Do they trigger any memory at all?”

“No.”

“We need to abort our mission,” the man said. “With each trip your memory gets harder to recover. It takes longer each time too. The first few times I just had to mention a few key words and you would remember everything. The next dozen times I would tell you some of your memories and you would remember the rest. The last time I had to tell you everything you told me for you to remember. I’m not sure that will work this time.”

His heart beat fast. Terror rose in his chest. What were they doing that was corrupting his memory like this? Was this it? Would he really never recover his memories?

He imagined himself wandering alone and lost with no memory of who he was and no hope of ever getting his identity back.

“Take us back,” the man said.

“Back where?”

“Back where you were made,” the man told him.

Made? He was _made_?

He grabbed the sides of his head, forgetting that he was still in his helmet. “Made?” he exclaimed.

“Yes. Listen, I don’t have time to explain. You need to take us back,” the man told him. “I promise to explain everything once we get there.”

“But –”

“This is more important than finding the truth. You might never get your identity back!” the man exclaimed, the edge of panic creeping into his voice.

“But I can’t!” he exclaimed. “I don’t remember how to take us anywhere!”

The man took him by both hands. “I know,” he said. “Repeat after me…”

 

_There’s no place like home…_

 

Home. What did home mean? It was that place you returned to at the end of the day, or at the end of a long journey, where you could throw off your jacket, or your shoes, or just your outdoor persona. It was that place where you could relax and be yourself.

Home was your mother’s kitchen full of the delicious smell of food. Home was the shed out back where your father worked on something, or the little patch of land where you grew vegetables. Home was the cat, dog, or any other animal waiting patiently for you to return.

What was home for a person without any memories?

 

Otabek sat up and watched two strangers rush to his companion’s side. Mila had called him Yuuri, but he knew that was someone else’s name.

His companion lay unmoving.

The two strangers removed his suit very carefully. They took his pulse, listened to his breathing and hooked him up to a machine.

They were so absorbed in what they were doing that they hadn’t noticed Otabek at all. In fact, he was fairly certain that he could get up and leave without them noticing.

“He’s just unconscious,” one of them said to the other. “He’ll be fine.”

“He lost his memories,” Otabek spoke up and they turned at the sound of his voice, shocked to find a stranger in their – he threw a look around himself – lab.

It was a lab with all kinds of equipment the purpose of which he couldn’t even begin to guess at, but he didn’t have the time for that right now anyway.

“I travelled with him,” he explained. “He made more than fifty jumps in time and each time his memory only deteriorated further.”

One of the two strangers – the one with dark hair and a gentle expression on his face – looked at the other man. “You said he’d forget what he’d seen. What did you do?”

“Nothing. I promise it’s nothing! I…” He fidgeted under their collective stares. “There is a little disconnect and a kind of memory wipe, but –”

“Memory wipe?” the dark-haired on exclaimed. “You never told me you added a memory wipe!”

“Yuuri, please!” the man began.

But Yuuri didn’t let him continue. The other man had to wait for Yuuri to finish before he was allowed to speak. Yuuri gave in to his frustration, using a few expressions that made the other man flinch.

“I can restore it all,” he promised. “Well… any memory not tied to the memories of time.” He didn’t wait for their permission and pulled up a hologram of the controls to select what he needed.

Otabek watched in silence. He’d told them all they needed to know in the full expectation that they’d be able to fix it. In a way, it felt like cheating.

Yuuri walked over to him and gave him a little smile. “I’m Yuuri Katsuki and that’s Victor Nikiforov. What’s your name?”

“Otabek Altin,” he answered. “I heard about you two.”

“Oh.” There was a faint blush on Yuuri’s cheeks.

For a moment the only sound breaking the silence was that of Victor working the controls and then Otabek added, “I’m from the past.”

Victor raised his eyes and met Yuuri’s gaze. Then he returned to the controls.

“Will you send me back to my time?” Otabek asked.

Yuuri put a hand on his shoulder. “Do you want to go back?”

Otabek considered this. “I’d rather not, but aren’t you going to insist that I belong there?”

“You brought him back,” Yuuri said. “Why would we do something like that?”

The sound of a sigh interrupted them and everyone rushed to the time traveller’s side. He groaned and opened his eyes to stare up at all of them. He grabbed his head with a frustrated sound, “My head feels like it will explode!”

Yuuri and Victor fussed over him, offering him water to drink and asking if he wanted to eat anything.

He raised his head and stared at them in silence. They stopped talking and stared back.

“I remember,” he said, “I remember everything. Otabek and I kept going back, further and further and still the planet remained the same,” he whispered, as if afraid to admit it. “I couldn’t find a time when it wasn’t this way.”

“Really,” Yuuri began, “you don’t need to worry about that now.”

“But I do!” he insisted. “Don’t you see?” He stared around the room at each of them. Everyone returned a puzzled look. “It was me. I’m the one responsible for the planet being this way. The first time we went back, I created a paradox: Sara and Mila nearly died. That made the first damage to the fabric of space-time. Each time we went back, I made it worse. I can see it now,” he whispered and Otabek saw the far-off look in the boy’s eyes.

“You’re not supposed to,” Yuuri said and exchanged a look with Victor.

They moved towards him to fix it, but he held up a hand to stop them. “Leave it,” he said. “You’ll only make it worse.” There was something other-worldly about him. His body was young, but his eyes were impossibly old and he had the expression of someone who could see what others couldn’t.

Victor and Yuuri backed away from their creation, as if afraid that the boy would harm them.

He smiled and even Otabek felt terror rise at the sight of that expression.

“What will you do now?” Yuuri asked and Otabek noticed how one of his hands rested on Victor’s arm.

“I think…” he began and looked at Otabek, “I think I want to stay here. Maybe I’ll go to TU and give everyone a hard time. Maybe I’ll travel again. I can go see the day humanity set out into space. I can go visit the forests of Earth and see some tigers in the wild. I have many options to explore.” He took Otabek’s hand and gave him a look.

In their brief time together Otabek had learned to read that open face. Through the boy’s stories he’d learned to understand how his mind and heart worked. He gave a little nod to show his agreement with this plan.

The boy gave his creators a challenging look, but they only smiled back.

“Go,” Yuuri said, stepping out of his way. “You’ll get no argument from me.”

Victor chuckled softly. “I’ll need to find a new dream to pursue.” His eyes met Yuuri’s and they put an arm around each other.

“Maybe we can undo the effect on the Dead World,” Yuuri mused, “now that we know what it is.”

There was a twinkle in Victor’s eyes when he said, “Maybe, but do we really have to? It can stay a mystery. The mystery that only we know how to solve…”

“One more thing,” the boy said.

“Yes?” Yuuri asked.

“You never gave me a name,” he reminded them. “Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have no name? What are people supposed to call me? What do I tell them when they ask for my name?”

Yuuri and Victor looked like two people caught off guard. “Well… Really…” they stammered out.

“But,” the boy went on, as if they hadn’t said a word, “on the other hand, I got used to Mila and Sara calling me Yuuri, so I’ll take that.” He shot them both a warning look before either of them could speak. “But Yuri with one “u”,” he insisted.

Victor threw his arms around Yuri. “And to avoid confusion, we can call you Yuri-O!”

“No, I… I said Yuri! Not –”

Yuuri pulled free and took Yuri’s hand with his own. “Nice to meet you, Yuri!”

He stopped scowling and nodded with just a hint of a smile on his face. “You too.”

 

The inhabitants of Trésor didn’t know that a time machine-person lived amongst them. But, if someone were to tell them about this, they wouldn’t have been surprised to learn this. After all, if they were living next to the Dead World, why couldn’t they also live next to a person who could travel through time? Or a man from the past, for that matter? And, if that someone were also to tell them that this time traveller went up to the Dead World every year to participate in the competitions on its rings and that every year he would compete against his creators, well then they would’ve just nodded and said “that’s how things are done on Trésor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, commenting and leaving kudos!
> 
> Annnd that's 1 bang fic down! I will post another bang fic tomorrow (for a different bang), but that one is a 10k one shot so it will go up in one go.
> 
> I think this fic ended up being a mix of Doctor Who, Star Trek (especially Discovery) and a bit of Treasure Planet.


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